Amy: Hey, I won the Nobel Prize in physiology. Then I used the money to buy Stuart's comic store and close it down, so Sheldon would pay attention to me. ... Not the worst idea.

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

Sheldon: I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Stuart: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Raj: Fine, just try not to look too alive.
Stuart: That's my jam.

Stuart: How's it going?
Raj: Good. Sheldon's out of town so we can do whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
Stuart: How is it?
Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.

Sheldon: Can you recommend a surface you haven't had coitus on?
Mary: That's not funny. ... Maybe we should sit at the table.

Penny: Oh, Stuart. Now I kinda feel bad for murdering you.
Raj: Oh, come on!
Bernadette: Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses!

Sheldon: I should let you know the world has changed since you were a young woman. It's not all sock hops, soda jerks and segregation any more.
Mary: How old do you think I am?

Raj: You can't leave. You're a murder suspect in the mysterious death of Stuart Bloom.
Bernadette: I didn't know his last name was Bloom.
Amy: Yeah, it's Bloom.

Penny: Got it. Hey, who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry. Hey, who's not the murderer?

Amy: Actually, our relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios. Including career changes, financial instability, intelligent dog uprising. FYI, we plan on selling out the human race hard.

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

Amy: It actually was kinda fun.
Raj: You're just saying that.
Amy: Yeah.

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.