Penny: Sheldon, what did we say about being a nicer friend?
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: Leonard, what did we say about being a gullible weeny?

Raj: Hey, listen to this. Murder, cannibalism and satanic rituals are just a few of the thousand-plus horrors that await.
Howard: I just helped my mum out of the tub, so I'm one slippery horror ahead of you.

Raj: You know when Cinnamon won't take her medicine. I hide it in a piece of cheese.
Howard: Good idea. We can wrap up the pill in cheese, feed it to Cinnamon and then my mom can eat Cinnamon.

Raj: Why can't I be in a relationship with a girl who likes The Sound of Music?
Howard: Raj, you are the girl in the relationship who likes The Sound of Music.

Sheldon: I don't mean to be rude or discourteous, but before we begin. I'd just like to say there's absolutely no scientific evidence to support clairvoyance of any kind. Which means - and again, no insult intended - you're a fraud, your profession is a swindle, and your livelihood is dependent on the gullibility of stupid people. But again, no offense.

Sheldon: Oh, that's a lot of incense. ... Or somebody set a hippie on fire.

Raj: Okay. So in the last twenty minutes we've seen a crazy woman kissing a foetus in a jar. We've seen a guy cut in half and sown to a fish.
Howard: And the brutal dismemberment of a rotisserie chicken by my mother.

Sheldon: So we're just randomly choosing a restaurant without researching it online?
Penny: Yep.
Sheldon: Great. This is how Anything Can Happen Thursdays turns in to It Won't Stop Coming Out Friday.

Amy: Did you lie to Howard about tonight?
Bernadette: Of course.
Amy: And you don't like feel guilty about it?
Bernadette: Between Penny's gorilla movie and Howard's gorilla mother, I had no choice.

Howard: Let me get this straight. So, he kills this girl's father, cuts off the guy's face, and is wearing it as a mask while he makes out with her.
Raj: I'm just gonna say it: that's not okay.

Sheldon: Amy's sick.
Leonard: Aww, what's wrong with her?
Sheldon: Well, she talks a lot. Always wants to hold hands.
Leonard: That's not what I meant.
Sheldon: Well, if you were referring to her illness, your question should have been "What ails her?"
Leonard: What ails her?
Sheldon: Oh, who knows.

Penny: So we're about to film this scene in the movie where the killer ape DNA is slowly taking over my body.
Leonard: Okay.
Penny: But I realize they're gluing fur everywhere except my cleavage. So I ask the director and he says it's important to the story that my boobs be the last things to turn ape.
Leonard: It's sweet that he thinks there's a story.

Penny: There's not even a bathroom on set. I have to go to the gas station across the street. I mean, I was dressed like half an ape and still not close to the most disgusting person in there.

Penny: Why would they lie to us?
Sheldon: That's a good question.
*Sheldon knocks three times on the restaurant window* Amy and Bernadette! [x3]
Sheldon: Why did you lie to us?

Raj: Okay, let's get this over with. Eww, it's got someone's hair on it.
Howard: Oh, yeah. You're gonna do great with this movie.