Penny: [on the phone] No, mom. It's the same guy I've been going out with for the past two years. Yeah, the scientist. Well, it's complicated. He works with lasers and atomic magnets. No, I did not see it coming. No, we have not set a date. No, I am not pregnant. Yeah, this is a first for our family.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: But we have jobs, we can't babysit her twenty-four hours a day.
Howard: What if we use our vacation time?
Bernadette: I wanted to go to Hawaii, not Hell.

Bernadette: Sorry, I'm late. The leaf blower broke so I had to hand dry my mother-in-law.

Howard: Don't take this the wrong way, but did you do this for the insurance money?
Stuart: No! God, you sound like the police, the fireman, my parents, my therapist and the insurance company.

Leonard: How's your mom holding up?
Howard: She's okay, but we just lost another nurse.
Amy: How many's that now?
Howard: Two, and I know what you're thinking: she's eating them.

Leonard: It's nice that you called them esteemed.
Sheldon: You're right, I'll take that out.

Amy: It actually sounds like he's doing pretty well.
Penny: I really think this is going to be for the best.
Leonard: Me too. And he was able to take a sabbatical -
*Amy starts hitting Leonard with a pillow*
Amy: How could you let him go!?

Amy: He was really angry that you suggested he move out.
Leonard: Oh.
Amy: I also mentioned that he and I could live together, but he was too mad at you to realize what a great idea that is.

Bernadette: Little warning before you jump into this marriage business. You're not just marrying him, you're marrying his family.
Penny: I think Leonard's mom's okay with me.
Bernadette: It doesn't matter if she's okay with you. The question is can she go to the bathroom by herself?

Penny: We're engaged!
Raj: Wow. I thought me having sex with Emily was going to be the big news.
*Amy, Bernadette, Howard and Sheldon rush to Raj*
Leonard: Hey, hey. What the hell?!
Bernadette: You guys propose all the time, this never happens.
Penny: You're right. Yay!
*Leonard & Penny go to celebrate with Raj*

Amy: Here, I made you some Strawberry Quik.
Sheldon: I have real problems here, Amy. I can't be mollified with a beverage designed for children. *Takes a sip* Mmm, yummy.

Leonard: So, should we talk about setting a date?
Penny: Well, I'd like to choose one that works with my brother's schedule.
Leonard: Right and when would that be?
Penny: Twelve to eighteen months from now, depending on good behavior.

Sheldon: I'm writing an appeal to the faculty senate so that I can move on from string theory.
Leonard: How's it going?
Sheldon: You tell me. "Dear esteemed colleagues. As you may know, I have requested to change my field of study. My decision to do so is, I believe, in the best interest of science. At your convenience, I'd be happy to explain it to you in words you'll understand."

Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
Leonard: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for me and you to talk more?
Leonard: You know, it's probably fine.