Amy: I'd say Knox over Ticonderoga 'cause it's got the gold, and McBlanket over Sumter 'cause it has a higher thread count.

Wil Wheaton: For those of you listening at home. How great is this?

Amy: Oh, ten o'clock. Date night's over.
Sheldon: What? No. We haven't picked a winner.
Amy: We both know this one's gonna win.
Sheldon: Well, of course we do. Fort Knox doesn't have a secret physics lending library.

Howard: Hey, I grew up in this house, okay? No one's knocking anything down.
Bernadette: Okay, okay. *to Raj* When he's at Comic-Con, I'm bringing in a wrecking ball.

Josh: I've always dreamed of having a brother to play catch with.
Bernadette: Keep dreaming.

Amy: According to the codicil of the Relationship Agreement which you insisted upon, we're not allowed to pout or be moody on date night.
Sheldon: You know I just put that in because of uterus stuff.

Raj: So, Bernadette, have you thought about how you're going to redecorate this place?
Bernadette: You know, I'm thinking ripping up the carpets, maybe lose the wallpaper, all new light fixtures.
Raj: You know, if you knocked out this wall, it would give you an open floor plan, and then-- it's a little scary, but could be fun-- indoor fire pit.

Bernadette: Why don't you help with the coffee?
Raj: Okay, but something smells fishy. And not just because you work around sea animals. That actually sounds interesting, and I'd like to learn more about it.

Josh: I can't believe my brother's an astronaut. That's amazing. What was it like?
Raj: Listen, dude, it's time for you to hit the road.
Howard: Hey, hey, the young man asked a good question.

Kevin Smith: Anyway, man, I dug the ape movie, Penny. And I thought you were, like, really great in it.
Penny: Aw.
Wil Wheaton: You know, I'm in the movie, too.
Kevin Smith: Yeah, whatever.

Kevin Smith: Oh, I'm hanging up now.
Wil Wheaton: Don't you listen to him, buddy. You're awesome. You're one of the greatest directors of our time.
Kevin Smith: I don't have a part for you, Wheaton.

Kevin Smith: Hey, man, yo, is everything okay, Wil? 'Cause it's been, like, two minutes and you haven't even brought up Stand By Me.

Leonard: Wil, I'm begging you. Please turn that off.
Wil Wheaton: Sure. *turns recording off* *turns recording on* And we're back.

Sheldon: I can just picture them right now at Feynman's house. Probably discussing Schrodinger, and at the same time not discussing Schrodinger.
See, they're missing out on hilarious jokes like that.

Penny: Oh, sweetie, you should really get some money.