Amy: Being left out is a terrible feeling. No one understands that better than I do.
Sheldon: Hey, look at that. Even in your example, you're all by yourself.

Leonard: I went to school for half my life. I have a doctorate. I'm still paying off college loans.
Penny: Well, how much do you owe? Maybe I can help you out.
Leonard: Wil, can we just turn off the podcast for a little bit?
Wil Wheaton: For those of you at home, I am shaking my head "no."

Leonard: Well, you can spend the rest of the day being bitter about this--
Sheldon: Agreed.
Leonard: I was going to say "or," but why bother?

Wil Wheaton: Hello, caller, you are on with Penny and Wil from Serial Ape-ist 2.
Woman on phone: I don't have a question. I just want to say I'm a big fan of the movie. I've seen it, like, ten times.
Penny: Okay, well, I'll apologize for the first time, but the other nine are on you.

Amy: When there was a lice epidemic at my school, everybody got it except me. I tried to fool everyone by sprinkling sugar in my hair, but I just got attacked by bees.

Amy: Have a seat on the floor.
Sheldon: Not there. That's my spot.

Sheldon: A select group of scientists were invited to a weekend symposium at a former home of Richard Feynman, and I wasn't included.
Leonard: Aww. Sheldon, I'm sure it's not because they don't think you're an elite scientist.
Howard: Yeah, I'd bet you anything. It's just because you're a pain in the ass.
Sheldon: You're just saying that to make me feel better.

Amy: Can you please pass the salt?
Sheldon: Sure. It's not like I was invited to Richard Feynman's house and having anything better to do.
Amy: Is this how the rest of the night's going to be?
Sheldon: I don't know the future.

Amy: Well, it applies to you, too.
Sheldon: I was afraid you might bring this up, so I have a work-around. *puts a picture of his face in front of his real face* There you go. As far as you're concerned, I'm smiling. Although, I must admit, I'm smiling a little bit at the moment because this loophole is so brilliant.

Kevin Smith: So, Penny, listen, I saw your movie.
Penny: Oh, wow. I wish it was better.
Wil Wheaton: Oh, don't worry about it. Have you seen some of Kevin's films?
Kevin Smith: You're cruisin' for a beatin', Wheaton.

Howard: I'm surprised you could hear me with this Thin Mint in your ear! *takes a Thin Mint from behind Josh's ear* Yeah, pretty cool, huh?
Josh: Yeah. Anyway, I should probably get going.
Bernadette: Howie, have you noticed how often people say that when you start to do magic?

Penny: Okay, look, would it make you feel better if I did something dumb like sneak out of work one day to go audition for a Kevin Smith movie?
Leonard: That would be great, thank you!
Wil Wheaton: I'm just going to jump in here real quick. Leonard, a moment ago, you were dead set against Penny resuming her acting career, but now you're all for it. Is it fair to say that she played you like a violin?
Leonard: Yes, it is, Wil.

Raj: What do you want to do?
Howard: I don't know. I... I'd just like him to go away. I can't deal with this.
Raj: All right, I've got your back.
Howard: Thank you. Come on. And I'd like to point out this wall just provided a lot of privacy!

Penny: What is the harm if I audition?
Leonard: Well, what if you get it?
Penny: I don't know, I make a movie, we could become rich and famous, win an Oscar, a Golden Globe and live an incredibly wonderful life.
Leonard: From a Kevin Smith movie?

Sheldon: Okay, so the final four forts in the first annual best fort ever contest, or "fort off," are Fort Knox, Fort Ticonderoga, Fort Sumter and... Fort Cozy McBlanket.