Howard: You know what's really happening here? Your girlfriend is breaking up our band.
Raj: She has nothing to do with this. I am my own man.
Howard: Oh, please. Your brain belongs to whoever's willing to sleep with you.
Raj: That is so not true.
Howard: Really? Remember when you were gonna get circumcised for Rachel Bernstein?
Raj: That had nothing to do with Rachel. It was an overreaction to a bad zipper injury.

Howard: What kind of music are you thinking of?
Stuart: I like all kinds of music, but my favorite genre is free.

Howard: I don't need this. I'm quitting the band!
Raj: Fine, I quit, too!
Howard: Then get out of my house!
Raj: With pleasure!
*door slams*
*Howard sighs*
Howard: Raj, wait!
Raj: What took you so long?

Raj: Hey, we've always talked about playing together.
Howard: Well, it could be fun to try a little acoustic thing.
Raj: Oh, we could play "filk" music.
Stuart: What's that?
Raj: It's been around for years. It's like folk music, but with a sci-fi/fantasy theme.
Stuart: I like it. It sounds exactly like something I shouldn't be expected to pay for.

Raj: Okay, and here's the hook. "Thor and Dr. Jones. Thor and Dr. Jones. One plays with lightning. The other plays with bones."

Sheldon: I appreciate your interest in the apartment. I just need to ask you a few standard questions.
Applicant: Sure.
Sheldon: It says here you're a chemist. Which element on the periodic table do you feel is too big for its britches?
Applicant: Is that supposed to be a joke?
Sheldon: Looks like argon's not the only one with an attitude problem.

Leonard: I know what you're doing. You're trying to get attention so we'll feel bad for you, but it's not happening.
Sheldon: No, what I'm doing is trying to figure out how to live my life now that everyone is leaving me.
Leonard: Will you knock it off? We're across the hall.
Sheldon: As the kids are saying today, "talk to the hand."
Penny: They're not saying that.
Sheldon: They are in 2003.
Penny: No, no. They're really not.

Stuart: Do you guys know any musicians?
Howard: Why?
Stuart: I was thinking it might be cool to have live music here a few nights a week. You know, give this place more of a "staying in business" vibe.

Bernadette: I can't believe Sheldon asked you to be his roommate.
Amy: I can't believe he ran my credit.

Raj: Dude, if we do this, we're gonna need a cool band name.
Howard: You know, I've actually had one I've been sitting on for years.
Raj: Really?
Howard: It was for this power trio I tried to put together in junior high, but I was short two friends.
Raj: What is it?
Howard: Footprints on the Moon.
Raj: I just got chills.
Howard: So did I.
Stuart: Me, too. But I might have Lyme Disease.

Sheldon: Just a few more signatures, and we'll be finished. Initial here to acknowledge that you've returned your key. Okay. As my future neighbor, I'd like you to have a key. Initial here to acknowledge you received it.

Penny: I'm proud of you. You're taking this really well.
Sheldon: Well, it's not like I'm never going to see you two again. Which brings us to article 23 subsection C. Please check here to reserve your spot at the ten year roommate reunion.
Leonard: Do I really have to do that now?
Sheldon: No, but if you want chicken and get stuck with the fish, that's on you.

Raj: Hey, remember The Ark of the Covenant?
Howard: Yeah?
Raj: That's how much we're gonna melt people's faces off.

Sheldon: In general, would you say that you smell better, worse or the same as you do right now?

Sheldon: You're healthy. You have a job in the sciences. I've got to say, if this credit report comes back good, you're the frontrunner.
Amy: (via video chat) I'm not gonna be your roommate, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But I met with 11 people, and they all walked out. And that Hollywood phony Chris Pratt never tweeted me back.