Amy: Let's see. I have been on six dates with three different people. It was either for coffee or dinner. One I met at a bookstore and two I met online. I haven't slept with anyone. The aquarium is 40 minutes away. And there's a baggie of Cheerios for you in the glove compartment.
Sheldon: Uh, regular or honey nut?
Amy: I mixed them.
Sheldon: You mixed them. No wonder gentleman callers are pounding down your door.

Raj: Have you guys seen this feature that lets you talk to Siri without pressing any buttons?
Howard: No. How does it work?
Raj: You just say, uh, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?"
Siri: The time is 6:37 p.m.
Howard: So now anyone can control your phone? Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: Nice try. It only recognizes my voice.
Howard: Oh, cool. (Imitates Raj): Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: I don't sound like that.
Siri: Here are some images of naked grandma butts.

Sheldon: Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them. I think I need to just be your friend.

Amy: I miss this.
Sheldon: How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly?
Amy: I guess sometimes I'm silly.

Leonard: Face it, you can't stump me. I am the king of husbands.
I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day.
I know you hate the word "moist."
I know-
Penny: Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?
Leonard: Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.
Penny: Interesting. I never told you that.
Leonard: Sure you did.
Penny: No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal.
Leonard: (In a high-pitched voice) What? I didn't know you had a journal.
Penny: I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying.
Leonard: (In a deep voice) No, it doesn't.

Sheldon: Would you care to play an ocean-themed game I invented?
Amy: Sure. What is it?
Sheldon: It's called Food, Friend, Fight. One of us chooses three aquatic creatures, and the other one must decide which he would eat, befriend, or battle.
Amy: So it's like Kiss, Marry, Kill.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: It's a game where you're given three people and you choose which one you'd kiss, marry, or kill.
Sheldon: Well, my game is better, 'cause instead of marrying someone, you get to eat them.

Bernadette: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Howard: Maybe I'm happy that so many people turned up to help the less fortunate.
Emily: Are you and I close enough for me to say-
Bernadette: That he's an ass? He beat you to it.

Howard: So we don't even get to be up front where the action is?
Bernadette: What difference does it make?
Howard: I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say, (affecting a high-pitched, British accent) "Please, sir, I want some more."
Raj: You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver!
Howard: It's not like I'm expecting them to sing.

Amy: Sheldon, we've known each other a long time. We are perfectly capable of having a conversation without relying on a list off the Internet.
Sheldon: All right. Well, what should we talk about?
Amy: I don't know. Just ask me whatever comes to mind.
Sheldon: Very well. I know you've been seeing other men. Have you had coitus with any of them?
Amy: Man, I walked right into that one.

Elon Musk: You think you might ever get back out to space?
Howard: Is that a job offer? 'Cause I really want to go to Mars. Assuming I can bring my wife. She hardly takes up any room. She's basically a carry-on.
Elon Musk: Well, we're not quite there yet, but we're always looking for engineers.
So let me give you my e-mail. We can stay in touch.

Sheldon: You know, for a Thanksgiving buffet in an aquarium cafeteria, that was really bad.
Amy: You're just upset 'cause they ran out of Pilgrim hats.
Sheldon: They gave one to that baby. He wasn't even awake.
Amy: Well, it wouldn't be a holiday without you being mad at a baby.

Sheldon: Okay, your turn.
Amy: Hmm. Seal, hagfish, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Sheldon: Well, I'd befriend SpongeBob but he's not real, so I can't do that, can I?
Amy: But you can pal around with a hagfish?
Sheldon: Hey, let's not pull at that thread.
Okay, I'll fight SpongeBob, because he's so friendly we'll just end up tickling each other. Um, I'll befriend the seal, because he's trainable, which was the problem I'm having with my current friends. Which means I'll have to eat the hagfish.
Amy: Isn't that gross? I mean, a hagfish can produce enough mucus to fill a bucket in a minute.
Sheldon: I know. It makes its own gravy, it'll slide right down.

Sheldon: Oh, I watched a video of the hagfish producing mucus, so I'm gonna change my answer and eat SpongeBob.

Howard: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Bernadette: (Laughing) I can't!

Amy: Let's just play.
Sheldon: I'll start you off easy. Electric eel, pufferfish, shrimp.
Amy: Hmm. Well, I wouldn't fight the eel, because I know it can generate enough current to kill a horse.
So I'd eat the eel, fight the shrimp, and befriend the pufferfish, because it would be nice to have company on those days I feel bloated.