Sheldon: Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them. I think I need to just be your friend.

Amy: Let's see. I have been on six dates with three different people. It was either for coffee or dinner. One I met at a bookstore and two I met online. I haven't slept with anyone. The aquarium is 40 minutes away. And there's a baggie of Cheerios for you in the glove compartment.
Sheldon: Uh, regular or honey nut?
Amy: I mixed them.
Sheldon: You mixed them. No wonder gentleman callers are pounding down your door.

Raj: Have you guys seen this feature that lets you talk to Siri without pressing any buttons?
Howard: No. How does it work?
Raj: You just say, uh, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?"
Siri: The time is 6:37 p.m.
Howard: So now anyone can control your phone? Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: Nice try. It only recognizes my voice.
Howard: Oh, cool. (Imitates Raj): Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: I don't sound like that.
Siri: Here are some images of naked grandma butts.

Amy: I miss this.
Sheldon: How can you miss a game you've never played before, silly?
Amy: I guess sometimes I'm silly.

Sheldon: Would you care to play an ocean-themed game I invented?
Amy: Sure. What is it?
Sheldon: It's called Food, Friend, Fight. One of us chooses three aquatic creatures, and the other one must decide which he would eat, befriend, or battle.
Amy: So it's like Kiss, Marry, Kill.
Sheldon: What is that?
Amy: It's a game where you're given three people and you choose which one you'd kiss, marry, or kill.
Sheldon: Well, my game is better, 'cause instead of marrying someone, you get to eat them.

Leonard: Face it, you can't stump me. I am the king of husbands.
I know that you don't like the lingerie that I got you on Valentine's Day.
I know you hate the word "moist."
I know-
Penny: Hang on. Wait, wait. Why don't I like the lingerie you got me?
Leonard: Because it's orange and you think it makes you look like a slutty carrot.
Penny: Interesting. I never told you that.
Leonard: Sure you did.
Penny: No. I never told anyone that. But I did write it in my journal.
Leonard: (In a high-pitched voice) What? I didn't know you had a journal.
Penny: I also know your voice gets higher when you're lying.
Leonard: (In a deep voice) No, it doesn't.

Elon Musk: You think you might ever get back out to space?
Howard: Is that a job offer? 'Cause I really want to go to Mars. Assuming I can bring my wife. She hardly takes up any room. She's basically a carry-on.
Elon Musk: Well, we're not quite there yet, but we're always looking for engineers.
So let me give you my e-mail. We can stay in touch.

Sheldon: You know, for a Thanksgiving buffet in an aquarium cafeteria, that was really bad.
Amy: You're just upset 'cause they ran out of Pilgrim hats.
Sheldon: They gave one to that baby. He wasn't even awake.
Amy: Well, it wouldn't be a holiday without you being mad at a baby.

Amy: Sheldon, we've known each other a long time. We are perfectly capable of having a conversation without relying on a list off the Internet.
Sheldon: All right. Well, what should we talk about?
Amy: I don't know. Just ask me whatever comes to mind.
Sheldon: Very well. I know you've been seeing other men. Have you had coitus with any of them?
Amy: Man, I walked right into that one.

Sheldon: Okay, your turn.
Amy: Hmm. Seal, hagfish, SpongeBob SquarePants.
Sheldon: Well, I'd befriend SpongeBob but he's not real, so I can't do that, can I?
Amy: But you can pal around with a hagfish?
Sheldon: Hey, let's not pull at that thread.
Okay, I'll fight SpongeBob, because he's so friendly we'll just end up tickling each other. Um, I'll befriend the seal, because he's trainable, which was the problem I'm having with my current friends. Which means I'll have to eat the hagfish.
Amy: Isn't that gross? I mean, a hagfish can produce enough mucus to fill a bucket in a minute.
Sheldon: I know. It makes its own gravy, it'll slide right down.

Howard: So we don't even get to be up front where the action is?
Bernadette: What difference does it make?
Howard: I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say, (affecting a high-pitched, British accent) "Please, sir, I want some more."
Raj: You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver!
Howard: It's not like I'm expecting them to sing.

Bernadette: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Howard: Maybe I'm happy that so many people turned up to help the less fortunate.
Emily: Are you and I close enough for me to say-
Bernadette: That he's an ass? He beat you to it.

Sheldon: Oh, I watched a video of the hagfish producing mucus, so I'm gonna change my answer and eat SpongeBob.

Howard: Wipe that smug smile off your face.
Bernadette: (Laughing) I can't!

Amy: Let's just play.
Sheldon: I'll start you off easy. Electric eel, pufferfish, shrimp.
Amy: Hmm. Well, I wouldn't fight the eel, because I know it can generate enough current to kill a horse.
So I'd eat the eel, fight the shrimp, and befriend the pufferfish, because it would be nice to have company on those days I feel bloated.

Sheldon: Do you have any questions for me?
Amy: Just one. Are you doing okay?
Sheldon: I am.
Amy: Good. I want you to be happy.
Sheldon: I believe you. I'd believe you more if you threw a few Apple Jacks in here.

Amy: Hi, Sheldon. What's up?
Sheldon: Well, I'm calling because Thanksgiving is coming up, and I wanted to offer you the aquarium tickets.
Amy: No one can go with you?
Sheldon: No. They'd rather spend the holiday with each other than find out if this is the year I finally touch a starfish.

Elon Musk: Nice to meet you, Howard. Feels great to come down here and help the less fortunate, huh?
Howard: Oh, yeah. Nothing better than helping people.
Which is something I realized when I was viewing Earth from the deck of the International Space Station, where I spent two months as a payload specialist, a job I was qualified for because I'm an MIT-trained engineer.
Elon Musk: And I thought I ladled the gravy on thick.

Emily: So, how does this work?
Bernadette: The soup kitchen manager assigns the jobs, and the shifts are six hours.
Howard: Six hours? Oh, God, I don't want to complain for that long.
Raj: Do you ever do anything for anyone else?
Howard: I happen to be a giving and generous lover.

Penny: Fine. You think you know so much. Who's my favorite Spice Girl?
Leonard: Baby.
Penny: Who's my favorite member of NSYNC?
Leonard: Justin.
Penny: Who's my favorite Backstreet Boy?
Leonard: (Scoffs) Nice try. NSYNC forever.
Penny: Damn it!

Amy: Hello.
Sheldon: Hi.
Amy: Ready for the aquarium?
Sheldon: I am. You know, and in an effort to reduce awkwardness as we learn how to function as friends, I printed out a list of safe topics for polite conversation.
Amy: If that makes you more comfortable.
Sheldon: If there were a list of things that make me more comfortable, lists would be on the top of that list.

Leonard: You don't know your own husband's birthday.
Penny: Well you don't know everything about me.
Leonard: Your birthday is December 2, you grew up on Perkins Street, the last four digits of your social are 7-6-2-1, and the odds of me letting you forget this are zero.

Bernadette: And Raj and I are volunteering at the soup kitchen, feeding food to the homeless.
Sheldon: Well, Howard, what about you?
Howard: Oh I can't. I'm going to the soup kitchen, too.
Bernadette: You said that sounded like the worst thing ever.
Howard: If you can't support me when I'm lying, why are we married?

Sheldon: Oh, and forget what I said about the Myanmar catfish. My list of marine-themed pilgrim facts is pretty short.
Amy: Did you know they served shellfish and eel at the very first Thanksgiving?
Sheldon: And there goes my list.

Leonard: What number were you putting in? You don't know my birthday, do you?
Penny: Yes, I do.
Leonard: Well, what is it?
Penny: May.
Leonard: May what?
Penny: I'm not gonna say your password out loud. That is not secure!

Amy: Sheldon I can tell you want to go, so if you'd be comfortable with it, maybe we could go as friends.
Sheldon: You don't think that will be awkward?
Amy: Well it is Thanksgiving in an aquarium cafeteria, so I'm gonna go out on a limb here and say yes. But if you mean between us I think it'll be fine.

Emily: Are you and I close enough for me to say that's creepy?
Bernadette: We are, and I believe the word you're looking for is eugh!

Howard: We've only been doing this 20 minutes?!
Raj: You know, I read that washing dishes can be an excellent form of meditation. The key is that while washing the dishes one should only be washing the dishes.
Howard: Just because you have that accent doesn't mean what you say isn't stupid.

Penny: Oh, look at us. Our last Thanksgiving as husband and wife.

Amy: If we're friends, we should be able to talk about anything.
Sheldon: All right.
Amy: So, you had some questions about me seeing other people.
Sheldon: Just a few.
Amy: Go ahead.
Sheldon: How many dates have you been on? Who were they with? Where'd you go? Where did you meet them? Did you sleep with them? And how much longer to the aquarium? I'm getting kind of hungry.

Elon Musk: Here you go.
Howard: Thanks.
You got to be kidding me.
Elon Musk: Sorry?
Howard: You're Elon Musk.
Elon Musk: I am.
Howard: What are you doing here?
Elon Musk: I'm washing dishes. Well, I was on the turkey line, but I got demoted for being too generous with the gravy.

Sheldon: Hey. Good news, everybody. Now that I'm no longer with Amy, I have an extra ticket to the annual Thanksgiving lunch buffet at the aquarium cafeteria. Who wants it? You realize you won't be going alone. I'll be there the whole time. Providing fish and pilgrim facts.

Elon Musk: Oh, look. Someone hardly touched their pumpkin pie. Want to share it with me? Howard: A partially eaten piece of pumpkin pie from a homeless shelter with Elon Musk? You bet I do!

Raj: You know, this reminds me of high school.
Emily: You worked in a restaurant?
Raj: No, I was in India. It was humid and smelled funny.

Amy: Are we done discussing the weather?
Sheldon: I don't know if I'd call it "discussing." You kind of sat back and let me do all the work.

Sheldon: And then the next day was 73 degrees, and the day after that was 72, and then it was 72 again. Uh, then it was 74, and that brings us to today, at, "I'd wear shorts if I had a pair" 78.

Sheldon: Since last we spoke, have you acquired any pets?
Amy: No. You?
Sheldon: No. Since last we spoke, have you planned or gone on any vacations?
Amy: I might go visit my aunt next week.
Sheldon: Mmm. Your aunt in Modesto?
Amy: No, the one in Bakersfield.
Sheldon: Mmm, Bakersfield. I see. Where has this list been all my life?

Sheldon: And feel free to tell your guest that the Myanmar catfish is also known as the pilgrim fish. In case the turkey's dry and you need something juicy.

Howard: Sorry. It's just you're you, you know? And I really want you to adopt me.
Elon Musk: Well, you're here on Thanksgiving, so you're probably a good person.

Leonard: Next we need a teaspoon of pepper, which, I believe, was also the name of your childhood dog.

Amy: Um listen, I really enjoyed spending this morning with you.
Sheldon: Well, I can't take all the credit. It was pretty funny when that one anchovy started going the wrong way.