Howard: So we don't even get to be up front where the action is?
Bernadette: What difference does it make?
Howard: I don't know. I was hoping some poor kid would come up to me and say, (affecting a high-pitched, British accent) "Please, sir, I want some more."
Raj: You're in a soup kitchen, not a production of Oliver!
Howard: It's not like I'm expecting them to sing.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Raj: Have you guys seen this feature that lets you talk to Siri without pressing any buttons?
Howard: No. How does it work?
Raj: You just say, uh, "Hey, Siri, what time is it?"
Siri: The time is 6:37 p.m.
Howard: So now anyone can control your phone? Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: Nice try. It only recognizes my voice.
Howard: Oh, cool. (Imitates Raj): Hey, Siri, show me pictures of naked grandma butts.
Raj: I don't sound like that.
Siri: Here are some images of naked grandma butts.

Amy: Let's see. I have been on six dates with three different people. It was either for coffee or dinner. One I met at a bookstore and two I met online. I haven't slept with anyone. The aquarium is 40 minutes away. And there's a baggie of Cheerios for you in the glove compartment.
Sheldon: Uh, regular or honey nut?
Amy: I mixed them.
Sheldon: You mixed them. No wonder gentleman callers are pounding down your door.

Sheldon: Amy, I excel at many things, but getting over you wasn't one of them. I think I need to just be your friend.