Sheldon: So what do you think, Howard? It's not that bad, right?
Howard: A little electrical tape, some solder ... Are you insane? I've seen space probes that crashed into the desert that were in better shape than this.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Barry Kripke: We're all pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls. That's why we fight robots.

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, there's a blonde girl, Patsy, here to see you.
Howard: Who?
Mrs. Wolowitz Okay, now she's saying it's Penny.

Mrs. Wolowitz: Want me to get you a popsicle?
Howard: Cherry, please!
Mrs. Wolowitz: I ate the cherry. All that's left is green.
Howard: You make me wanna kill myself!