Bernadette: Look, it's only a spray tan. It'll fade in a couple days. Why don't you cancel the date and reschedule?
Stuart: Oh, but I was really looking forward to tonight.
Bernadette: You know what? Then go. Tell her what happened. Maybe she'll be flattered.
Howard: And if not, swing by the chocolate factory and see if they're hiring. That wasn't a joke. That was a legitimate suggestion.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Stuart: Do you still want to go out with me?
Denise: Absolutely. Hey, maybe we can go find Nemo together.
Stuart: That's a good one.
Denise: Do your 63 other crayon friends know you're out?
Stuart: Are you just gonna make fun of me all night?
Denise: Probably.
Stuart: Great. So what are we thinking, Chinese?
Denise: Yeah, I'm in the mood for orange chicken.

Amy: Well, Leonard and Penny are our best friends. They know us better than anyone. They said it's the perfect gift. We must be missing something. You don't think it's a marital aid, do you?
Sheldon: Don't be silly. Amy, how is this big glass shaft going to aid our marriage?

Amy: Let's just go to sleep. We'll look at it in the morning with fresh eyes, and maybe it'll come to us.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: Or we go tear apart that box and look for a clue.
Sheldon: Staying up past my bedtime and solving mysteries? Who knew married life could be this good?