Leonard: Penny, can I have a moment alone with my?
Penny: Yep, bye.

Sheldon: Woman, you are playing with forces beyond your ken.
Penny: Yeah, well your Ken can kiss my Barbie.

Leonard: What am I supposed to do?
Penny: Err, keep your mouth off other women.

Leonard: If I take it off, Sheldon wins.
Penny: Sweetie, every night you don't kill him in his sleep, he wins.

Sheldon: I'm looking over my text correspondence with Beverly and I don't see anything that would have given her offense. Nothing's ambiguous, I spell everything out. Including "laugh out loud" and "what's the fracas?"

Amy: Are you really not gonna pick up your mother?
Leonard: No. It's fine, she likes to take a cab or a shuttle. That way she can meet people.
Amy: Well, that's kind of nice.
Leonard: Yeah, she always says that a stranger is just a person whose emotional weak point you haven't found yet.
Sheldon: Your mom is the best.

Leonard: How was your flight?
Beverly Hofstadter: There were some parents with a baby. A lot of crying.
Leonard: Well, babies do that.
Beverly Hofstadter: No, it was the parents. It seems they couldn't handle some constructive criticism.