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Quotes from ‘The Maternal Conclusion’

The Maternal Conclusion

The Maternal Conclusion
Season 12, Episode 22 - Aired May 9, 2019

Leonard wonders what's going on when Beverly visits and shows an interest in his work. Meanwhile, Stuart and Denise consider their options when Howard and Bernadette tire of them staying at their house.

Quote from Leonard

Amy: Are you really not gonna pick up your mother?
Leonard: No. It's fine, she likes to take a cab or a shuttle. That way she can meet people.
Amy: Well, that's kind of nice.
Leonard: Yeah, she always says that a stranger is just a person whose emotional weak point you haven't found yet.
Sheldon: Your mom is the best.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Leonard: How was your flight?
Beverly Hofstadter: There were some parents with a baby. A lot of crying.
Leonard: Well, babies do that.
Beverly Hofstadter: No, it was the parents. It seems they couldn't handle some constructive criticism.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: When does Anu come back from London?
Raj: Next week. But it's been good, you know? Really given me a chance to focus on myself.
Howard: How's that going?
Raj: I didn't like what I saw, got in my car, drove over here.

Quote from Howard

Howard: It just feels like Denise is basically living with us. You know, maybe you can spend half the time at her place.
Stuart: Hey, when I moved in, you and Bernadette said it was okay if I brought girls over.
Howard: [laughs] Oh. We were making fun of you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ah, Beverly, there you are.
Beverly Hofstadter: Sheldon, how nice to see you. Leonard was just showing me his new lab.
Sheldon: Oh, yes, experimental physics, the carpentry of the science world.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Well, we got into this because we both wanted to get married, and honestly, we've been dragging our feet, and I think this is the push that we need.
Bernadette: Wait, so you're gonna ask her to marry you?
Raj: Why not? We like each other, plus, we both want to start a family. Hey, I can work from anywhere, I'm an astronomer. They have stars in London, and I'm not just talking about Dame Judi Dench.
Howard: No one thought you were.
Bernadette: I thought he was.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm looking over my text correspondence with Beverly and I don't see anything that would have given her offense. Nothing's ambiguous, I spell everything out. Including "laugh out loud" and "what's the fracas?"

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: What? No knock? What's the fracas?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Leonard, when are you leaving to pick your mother up from the airport?
Leonard: Uh, well, let's see, her plane gets in at 3:00, figure half hour to get her luggage, so never.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Never? Isn't that usually when you go to the gym?

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Hey, on a completely unrelated note, um, you know, if you'd rather stay at a hotel, we wouldn't be offended.
Beverly Hofstadter: Actually, I've been looking forward to staying with you.
Leonard: Really? It's just, normally, you stay at a hotel.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like me to stay at a hotel?
Leonard: No, no, no. I invited you to stay with us.
Beverly Hofstadter: And I accepted, so everyone is happy.
Leonard: Yep. I'm happy, you're happy everyone's happy.

Quote from Howard

Raj: How come we never eat in the dining room?
Bernadette: Oh, that's for company.
Raj: What am I?
Howard: Apparently, a guy who wants to have his feelings hurt.

Quote from Penny

Beverly Hofstadter: Really? A photon entanglement team.
Leonard: Yeah, I'm actually the colead.
Penny: Yeah, if you like photons and how they get entangled, he's your co-guy.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Wow, she's being really nice.
Leonard: Yeah, clearly, one of us is dying. Come on, her.

Quote from Raj

Raj: How's the concierge conference? You guys just get theater tickets for each other all day long?
Anu:It's going great, and the company put me in a nice place in Notting Hill.
Raj: Notting Hill? Like the movie? Uh, "I'm just a boy standing in front of a girl saying" you better bring me home a T-shirt.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: Doesn't she have her own place? Why don't you guys hang out there?
Stuart: Oh, she has a roommate, and he's kind of creepy. A-And that's coming from me.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: And this is a high-pulse laser with a BBO crystal. It's pretty cool. It emits photons in discrete bursts.
Beverly Hofstadter: Huh. Very impressive.
Leonard: But?
Beverly Hofstadter: But what, dear?
Leonard: Oh, I don't know. It's just, usually there's a "but" followed by something that makes me feel bad.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well I'm here to rescue you from the boredom.
Beverly Hofstadter: Not necessary. This is really quite interesting.
Sheldon: But?
Beverly Hofstadter: But nothing.

Quote from Howard

Raj: I'm flying out tomorrow. I'm gonna surprise her with a ring.
Bernadette: You already have a ring?
Raj: Well, it's the same one as before.
Howard: I thought you gave it to her the first time you got engaged?
Raj: I did, but I took it back.
Howard: So, you're an Indian giver?
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: What? If he's gonna move to England, I need to get all these out now.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: Beverly, I have to say, it's so nice seeing the two of you get along.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, I've always gotten along with Leonard. Of all of my children, he's the most docile.
Leonard: She wrote that in a birthday card once. I keep it in my nightstand.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Still, it made him so happy showing you around his lab yesterday.
Beverly Hofstadter: Interesting. Would you say that that made him, uh, much happier than usual, somewhat happier than usual or as happy as usual?
Penny: Hmm, multiple choice. Um, I'm-a go with D: "that's a weird question."

Quote from Penny

Leonard: It made me really happy. We haven't always had the easiest relationship. But, well, looking back, I guess you were just trying to push me to be the best version of myself.
Beverly Hofstadter: So you would say that my parenting strategies, although difficult at times, directly contributed to your current success?
Penny: Well, I may have had a little something to do with it. I mean, how often do you wear your superhero underwear now?
Leonard: Only Fridays and my birthday.
Penny: Yeah, that was all me. That was me.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Yeah, that's a fair point. I hadn't considered your influence. Perhaps tomorrow I could observe the two of you together?
Penny: Uh, "observe"? [laughs] What is going on?
Beverly Hofstadter: I'm just visiting with my son and doing research for my book on how various parenting strategies affected my children as adults.
Leonard: This has all been work to you? Hanging out with me and coming to my lab, I- I thought we were enjoying each other's company, but it was just research.
Beverly Hofstadter: I was enjoying it; you know I love research.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Leonard: I can't believe this.
Beverly Hofstadter: What? You seem angry.
Leonard: Of course I'm angry!
Beverly Hofstadter: Well, so would you say that you're somewhat angry, very angry or extremely angry? Never mind. I can see it in your face, dear.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I'm sure she's not mad at you.
Sheldon: Well, then why would she rather spend the day with Leonard?
Amy: Because he's her son?
Sheldon: Amy, I just feel like we're going in circles.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: I'm sorry, but I couldn't sleep at your place. Mitch was really freaking me out.
Denise: He was freaking me out, too, but there has to be a better solution.
Stuart: Tonight we'll go back to my place.
Denise: And tomorrow?
Stuart: With my health being what it is, I try to live one day at a time.

Quote from Stuart

Denise: I don't want to blame you, but if you'd moved in with me when I asked you to, we wouldn't be in this situation.
Stuart: You're right. It's my fault. When I had the chance, I was scared and now that I want to, you're stuck with Mitch.
Denise: So you do want to move in with me?
Stuart: More than Galactus wants to devour worlds.
Denise: Well, that's great 'cause I want to move in with you more than the Thing wants to clobber.
Stuart: More than Hulk wants to smash?
Denise: More than Batman wants to ignore the due process of law.
Stuart: We are so weird.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Raj! Stop! [panting]
Raj: What? What are you doing here?
Howard: Look if you're getting on that plane because you love Anu and you can't stand the thought of spending another day without her then go. If not then stay here with the people who love you.
Raj: But what if this is my last chance at marriage and family?
Howard: I promise you it's not. Believe me, somewhere out there is a woman who loves cooking shows and sweater vests and all the other dumb things you love.
Raj: You really think so?
Howard: Yes. And I don't think she's waiting for you in England. When you propose to someone in Notting Hill it should be to someone who knows what that movie is.
Raj: Are you saying you're just a boy standing in front of another boy saying you don't want him to leave?
Howard: Sure.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: Have you calmed down?
Leonard: No, I'm not calm. You really hurt me.
Beverly Hofstadter: That wasn't my intention.
Leonard: It doesn't matter what you intended. What matters is the way you made me feel. Actually, the way y-you've always made me feel.
Beverly Hofstadter: I see, so you're here to tell me all the ways that I failed you as a mother.
Leonard: Yeah. And get comfortable, 'cause i-it's a long list. [exhales]
Beverly Hofstadter: Is it happening soon?
Leonard: You know what? It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter, you're never gonna change. If I want you to accept me for me, then I guess I'm gonna have to accept you for you. So I forgive you.
Beverly Hofstadter: I didn't ask you to forgive me.
Leonard: Too bad. I forgive you anyway. And I forgive myself for taking so long to do it. Oh, my God, that feels so good.
Beverly Hofstadter: I must admit, it it does feel good.
Leonard: What does?
Beverly Hofstadter: You forgiving me. It means a lot. Thank you.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Oh, maybe I should pick her up.
Amy: You don't drive.
Sheldon: That's what makes you and me a great team. Go get your keys.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: You can't pick her up. It'll make me look like a bad son.
Sheldon: I imagine that's one of the things we'll talk about on the ride. That and Amy's recent reluctance to use turn signals.
Amy: We were in a parking garage.

Quote from Amy

Penny: Come on, she gave birth to you.
Leonard: Fine, I'll pick her up.
Penny: Good, I'll go with you.
Sheldon: I call back seat.
Amy: Oh, I don't want to be the only one who doesn't go. I'll just sit here afraid that you're all talking about me.
Penny: We're not gonna talk about you.
Amy: Well, that's my other fear.

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Beverly Hofstadter: So it's just you?

Quote from Raj

Denise: Hey, guys.
Raj: Hey.
Howard: Hey.
Denise: I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.
Raj: It's all right, neither did they.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: That's whose handwriting that is.
Raj: I've noticed she's been over here a lot lately.
Howard: You know how you noticed that? Because you're over here a lot lately.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: She has slept over every night this week.
Raj: Uh, no, no, she wasn't here Wednesday night.
Howard: Yes, she was. You didn't notice because you were in the hot tub in the backyard eating Oreos.
Raj: That reminds me. [gets up, goes to the shopping list and writes:] Oreos.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Or you accomplished something great, and she's genuinely proud.
Leonard: [taking Penny's wine glass] Yeah, all right, you've had enough.

Quote from Raj

Raj: What does that mean for us?
Anu: Well, how committed are you to staying in California?
Raj: This is where my work is, this is where my friends are.
Anu: But are you happy?
Raj: Not for years. What's your point?

Quote from Stuart

Denise: All right, I got to head out to my drawing class.
Stuart: Fruit or naked dudes? Actually, it doesn't matter, I'm jealous of both.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: So she's coming over again, huh?
Stuart: Yeah, we're gonna do a movie night.
Howard: It's my house. Don't you think you should ask me?
Stuart: You're right, I'm sorry. Howard, would you like to come to movie night?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Well, if you want to see something really interesting, I could show you my work, which is being talked about for a Nobel Prize.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, well, I'd love to see it later, but right now, I'm spending time with my son.
Leonard: Ha! I knew there was a "but"- Wait, what?

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Ready?
Denise: You sure I didn't need to see Paddington 1?
Stuart: He's a bear, he talks, no one knows why. You're all caught up.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: So she's staying in London? What does that mean for your relationship?
Raj: It's great.
Howard: I can see why she would say that, but why do you?

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I am so stupid. I-I actually thought my mom was genuinely proud of me. It turns out, she's just using me as research for her new book.
Sheldon: Oh, what a relief. I thought Beverly was mad at me. Thank you, Leonard. That is a weight off my shoulders.

Quote from Amy

Leonard: If you like her so much you can have her, 'cause I-I'm done.
Sheldon: Oh, great. Catch the two of you later.
Amy: Sheldon, no.
Sheldon: Why?
Amy: Well, it's an emotionally complex issue. I don't have time to explain it right now.
Sheldon: Okay, but that excuse is running out of steam.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Well, Raj is probably on his way to the airport.
Bernadette: Yeah.
Howard: Guess he's finally getting his big romantic movie moment.
Bernadette: With a woman who doesn't care about big romantic movie moments.
Howard: Well, he'll have the rest of his life to explain them to her.
Bernadette: You can't really think this is a good idea.
Howard: Of course I don't. What am I supposed to do?
Bernadette: Go stop him. Get your best friend back.
Howard: You're my best friend.
Bernadette: We don't have time for this! Go!

Quote from Beverly Hofstadter

Penny: You know, Leonard was really upset. Shouldn't you go talk to him?
Beverly Hofstadter: And send the message that he can get what he wants by throwing a tantrum? I don't think so.
Penny: Beverly, put down your phone and go apologize to your son. [Beverly stares blankly at Penny] Oh, so now you're not talking to me?
Beverly Hofstadter: When you're finished with your tantrum, I'd be glad to.
[Penny groans]
Beverly Hofstadter: Just let me know when you're done.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: When am I gonna stop trying to win her approval? E-Every time I'm around her, I-I turn into this needy little eight-year-old boy.
Sheldon: You sound like that now and she's not even here.

Quote from Amy

Amy: If I could respond more compassionately than Sheldon and [to Sheldon] thank you for making it so easy. The need for a mother's approval is baked into our biology.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: I know that, it's just after all these years, you'd think I would have learned.
Sheldon: Hmm. It's too bad you didn't. Well, see? Compassion.

Quote from Stuart

Denise: My neck's a little stiff. Maybe because my boyfriend made me sleep in a comic book store last night.
Stuart: Bet your neck would hurt if you slept in any store. Except maybe a mattress store.

Quote from Howard

Raj: How'd you get past security?
Howard: I had to buy a ticket. You owe me 1,300 bucks.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: Penny, can I have a moment alone with my?
Penny: Yep, bye.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Look, I was scared to move in, but that was a mistake because she is amazing and I really want to live with her. So think you'd be willing to find another place?
Mitch: Do you love her?
Denise: Oh, we haven't really said that yet.
Stuart: Yeah, I do.
Mitch: Don't say it to me, say it to her.
Stuart: I love you.
Denise: I love you, too.
Mitch: Now both of you say it to me.