Bernadette: Okay, so, everyone's happy and healthy?
Stuart: Well, that depends.
Bernadette: What's that mean?
Stuart: Uh, how many teeth did Halley have when you left?
Howard: All of them.
Stuart: Oh, yeah, that's-that's what I was afraid of.
Bernadette: What happened?
Stuart: Um, well, all right. Um, Michael had a little fever last night.
Bernadette: Michael had a fever?
Stuart: Do you want to hear about Halley or not?
Howard: What happened, Stuart?
Stuart: He was running a little fever, nothing to worry about. And Halley, bless her heart, wanted to bring him his boo-boo bear, so she climbed over the safety rail and took a little tumble down the stairs.
Bernadette: She fell down the stairs?!
Stuart: [stammers] She rolled down the stairs, laughing the whole time. [chuckles] Anyway, when she got to the bottom, there was a tooth missing.
Bernadette: Oh, Stuart!
Stuart: She's fine! She thought it was funny.
Howard: Did you at least save it for the tooth fairy?
Stuart: No, we couldn't find it. We have a theory about where it is, but it'll take six to eight hours to confirm. Speaking of which, where do you keep the spaghetti strainer?

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Sheldon: Thank you, Dr. Fowler. I have a very long and somewhat self-centered speech here. But I'd like to set it aside.
Penny: Yeah!
Howard: Way to go!
Sheldon: Because this honor doesn't just belong to me. I wouldn't be up here if it weren't for some very important people in my life. Beginning with my mother, father, meemaw, brother and sister. And my other family, who I'm so happy to have here with us. Is that Buffy the Vampire Slayer? I was under a misapprehension that my accomplishments were mine alone. Nothing could be further from the truth. I have been encouraged, sustained, inspired and tolerated not only by my wife, but by the greatest group of friends anyone ever had. I'd like to ask them to stand. Dr. Rajesh Koothrappali. Dr. Bernadette Rostenkowski-Wolowitz. Astronaut Howard Wolowitz. And my two dearest friends in the world, Penny Hofstadter and Dr. Leonard Hofstadter. I was there the moment Leonard and Penny met. He said to me that their babies would be smart and beautiful. And now that they're expecting, I have no doubt that that will be the case.
Penny: Thanks, Sheldon. I-I haven't told my parents yet, but thanks.
Sheldon: Oh. I'm sorry. Don't tell anyone that last thing. That's a secret.
Howard, Bernadette, Raj, Penny, Leonard, I apologize if I haven't been the friend you deserve. But I want you to know in my way, I love you all. And I love you. Thank you.

Sheldon: Carbon. Hydrogen. Carbon. Carbon. And last but not least, carbon.
Leonard: This might be the glue talking, but that was a very pleasurable 139 and a half hours.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Bernadette: You realize it's been years since we've got away just the two of us.
Howard: I know. I can't wait. Fancy hotel room. The big bed.
Bernadette: Yeah. We're gonna sleep our asses off.