Leonard: You come to the end of the tunnel and find a large chest. What do you do? And, Howard, do not say, I feel up the large chest.
Howard: Excuse me. I'm a married man now. I wasn't going to say anything so juvenile.
Leonard: Great. What do you do?
Howard: I walk up to the large chest, bury my face in it and go blublublublublublublublu!

Sheldon: I remember the song! It's called "Darlin'" by the Beach Boys! Oh, thank goodness! I'm not crazy! I don't have to take a pigeon as my bride!
Leonard: There goes our shot at him living on the roof.

Howard: Don't feel bad. Some day someone will be throwing out your work, too.
Leonard: That someone was Sheldon and the day was yesterday.

Professor Proton: Can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Professor Proton: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, you know because we're friends.
Professor Proton: Why?
Leonard: Wow, you ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is he's not doing it on purpose, it's just how he is. But he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Professor Proton: You know you're describing a dog?
Leonard: He did bite me once. But in his defense, I came up behind him while he was eating.
Professor Proton: They hate that.
Leonard: Sheldon is the smartest person I have met. He's a little broken and he needs me. And I guess I need him too.
Professor Proton: Why is that?
Leonard: Boy, you will not let this go, will you?

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Leonard: Okay Sheldon, to start our quest, you need to open this little Christmas gift I got you.
Sheldon: Christmas? You know I don't enjoy Christmas.
Stuart: Why not?
Sheldon: Oh, where to begin? Trees indoors. Overuse of the words 'tis' and 'twas'. And the absurd custom of one stocking. Everybody knows that socks comes in pairs. Who uses one sock?
Howard: A pirate with a peg leg?
Sheldon: Actually, that helps, thank you.