Bernadette: I said to stop insulting each other. I didn't tell you to take him on a romantic getaway.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Bernadette: Raj, your tag's sticking out. *Bernadette tucks Raj's clothing tag back in*
Raj: Thank you. That's the closest I've come to sex in like two years.
Bernadette: Now I feel a little gross.
Raj: You're only making it seem more real for me.

Sheldon: I have one question. Is this a prank? Where you land in Houston and you've made up wanted posters which have my face with a moustache and a Spanish name, and I get arrested and deported to South America?
Howard: No.
Sheldon: Well I'm glad, because I would not have seen that coming.

Howard: Listen, I was thinking you and I could probably try to be better friends.
Sheldon: Really? I was thinking what we have now is a bit much.