Bernadette: I'm glad I got that mocha. And you know what else I'm glad about? I bought you a brownie and I ate it in the car!

Bernadette: She's just being nice.
Howard: Well, I'm her son, how come she doesn't send someone to check on me if I'm lonely.
Bernadette: Because you have a wife!
Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.

Howard: My arm is feeling numb. *Howard rubs his right arm*
Bernadette: That's the wrong arm for a heart-attack, doofus.
*Howard switches to his left arm*

Bernadette: You better find my husband's mother, 'cause one way or another we're walking out of this airport with a dead woman.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Raj: Oh, the movie's not as bad as you thought?
Penny: No, it is. But I decided instead of complaining about it, I'm going to go in every day and give it my all.
Amy: Good for you.
Penny: Thanks. There's no reason why I shouldn't be the best bi-sexual, go-go dancer, slowly transforming into a killer gorilla, anyone's ever seen.

Leonard: Oh, I know. This might help. *Gets a ring out of his wallet*
Penny: Where did you get a ring?
Leonard: I've had it for a couple of years. Not important. Penny, will you marry me?
Penny: Oh, my God, yes.
Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have monkey hair on your finger.