Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, get the door.
Howard: Why can't you get it?
Mrs. Wolowitz You know I'm doing a bowel cleanse for my colonoscopy. I'm like an upside-down volcano here.

Mrs. Wolowitz I'm not going near that fakakta thing. I'll catch a computer virus.
Howard: You can't catch a computer virus.
Mrs. Wolowitz Oh, so now you're an astronaut and a doctor?

Mrs. Wolowitz Howard, it's the phone.
Howard: I know it's the phone, Ma. I can hear the phone.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well who's calling at this ungodly hour?
Howard: I don't know.
Mrs. Wolowitz Well ask them why they're calling at this ungodly hour.
Howard: How can I ask them when I'm talking to you?

Mrs. Wolowitz It's this dress. When I put my front in, my back pops out. When I put my back in, my front pops out. It's like trying to keep two dogs in a bathtub.
Sheldon: What do you want me to do?
Mrs. Wolowitz We're gonna have to work as a team. Get in here, grab a handful and start stuffing.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Amy's Mom: It's nice to meet you too Sheldon, I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you, I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Amy's Mom: What?
Sheldon: Oh yes, We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt!
Amy's Mom: Amy? What is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother, well here he is! Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We live at 311 Los Robles. [holds up number 2 fixture]
Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: No worries. I explained our predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were, "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."