Sheldon: Everyone at the university knows I eat breakfast at 8:00 and move my bowels at 8:20.
Leonard: Yes, how did we live before Twitter?

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Sheldon: This song is never going to stop. Have you ever dealt with something so relentlessly irritating?
Leonard: That's a trick question, right?

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Raj: Well, I'm a Hindu. My religion teaches that if we suffer in this life we are rewarded in the next. Three months at the North Pole with Sheldon and I'm reborn as a well-hung billionaire with wings.

Leonard: Howard, this is big science. You could be the engineer who builds the equipment that puts us on the cover of magazines.
Howard: I could also be the engineer who builds the crossbow that kills Sheldon.

Sheldon: Leonard, you may be right. It appears that Penny secretly wants you in her life in a very intimate and carnal fashion.
Leonard: You really think so?
Sheldon: Of course not. Even in my sleep-deprived state, I've managed to pull off another one of my classic pranks. Bazinga!