Howard: Raj's parents probably split up because of Raj.
Bernadette: What?
Howard: You always say the children aren't to blame, but (holds up a Raj coaster; chuckles) come on!

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Josh: So, I have to ask, was the robot sexy?
Howard: It was actually just a mechanical hand.
Josh: 'Cause that's all you need, right?
Howard: You are my brother.

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Amy: This is an easy one. You love this guy.
Sheldon: Me.
Amy: Come on. He's an under appreciated genius.
Sheldon: Still think it's me.
Amy: It's not you. Now think, there's a car named after him.
Sheldon: Of course there is. The Mini Cooper because it's me.
Amy: How about this? He's a poor man's Sheldon Cooper.
Sheldon: Oh, Tesla.

Raj: I'm sorry I'm so late. I was on the phone with my mother.
Bernadette: How is she?
Raj: Pretty good. She bought the book "Eat, Pray, Love", and used it to set my father's Mercedes on fire.

Sheldon: I've learned that 1 in 700,000 people die from general anesthesia.
Leonard: But do you realize that means 699,999 people don't die?
Sheldon: I suppose that's true. You're such a glass half full kind of guy. I'm going to miss that.