Leonard: No offense, but shower sex with you is now the second best thing that's happened today.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Leonard: My point is, while you're spending all this time on your own, building computers or practicing your cello, what you're really doing is becoming interesting. When people finally do notice you, they're gonna find someone a lot cooler than they thought. And for those of you that were popular in high school, it's over, sorry. Thank you. Congratulations.

Sheldon: Ah, memory impairment; the free prize at the bottom of every vodka bottle.

Sheldon: Are you suggesting I play dirty?
Amy: Yes, dirty. Dirty, dirty, dirty. Which brings me to our next order of business. [kisses Sheldon]
Sheldon: Fascinating.
Amy: I hope you don't take what I'm about to do as a comment on what we just did. [runs to bathroom and vomits]

Sheldon: The mean Indian lady tried to make me eat lamb.