Raj: If this was Star Trek, we could use a phaser to blast it off.
Howard: No, it's too broad of a beam. You'd need something more precise, like Superman's heat vision.
Sheldon: Ooh, the Green Lantern's ring could make a big green hand that unscrews it.
Raj: If you need a green hand, why not just use the Hulk?
Sheldon: Oh, please, the Hulk would never get across the border with that temper.
Leonard: Guys, excuse me, not that calling one of the Avengers isn't a perfectly reasonable choice, but we're scientists. Don't you think we can figure this out using actual science?
Sheldon: Yes, we could use science. But it's your bachelor party. Lighten up.

Sheldon: I remember the song! It's called "Darlin'" by the Beach Boys! Oh, thank goodness! I'm not crazy! I don't have to take a pigeon as my bride!
Leonard: There goes our shot at him living on the roof.

Howard: Don't feel bad. Some day someone will be throwing out your work, too.
Leonard: That someone was Sheldon and the day was yesterday.

Professor Proton: Can I ask you a question?
Leonard: Yeah, sure.
Professor Proton: Why do you put up with Sheldon?
Leonard: Oh, you know because we're friends.
Professor Proton: Why?
Leonard: Wow, you ask really hard questions. Look, I know he can be aggravating, but what you have to remember is he's not doing it on purpose, it's just how he is. But he's also loyal and trustworthy and we have fun together.
Professor Proton: You know you're describing a dog?
Leonard: He did bite me once. But in his defense, I came up behind him while he was eating.
Professor Proton: They hate that.
Leonard: Sheldon is the smartest person I have met. He's a little broken and he needs me. And I guess I need him too.
Professor Proton: Why is that?
Leonard: Boy, you will not let this go, will you?

Penny: What are you doing back?
Leonard: We got a flat and couldn't get the tire off.
Penny: Oh, I'm sorry.
Leonard: Thank you.
Penny: If it makes you feel any better, I pierced Amy's ears and her mom made her sit in my closet.
Sheldon: We blew up Feynman's van.
Penny: My dad killed my pig with his tractor.
Leonard: I spent the night in Mexico with Sheldon.
Penny: You win.

Amy: Uh, well, actually, to be honest I haven't told her yet.
Penny: You've been giving me a hard time and you haven't even told your mom about Sheldon?
Amy: I'm feeling a little dizzy from all the blood loss. I don't know what you're talking about.

Penny: Thanks a lot, guys.
Bernadette: What did we do?
Penny: Before I made that call, my pig was alive and happy and rolling around in the mud. Now he's illegally buried in our backyard next to my great-grandmother.
Bernadette: Really? They didn't eat him?
Penny: No! He was a beloved member of the family.
Bernadette: The breakfast meat family?