Bernadette: So how can we help?
Stuart: Well, I know more women are buying comics than ever, but for some reason, I can't get 'em in here.
Penny: All right. Well, what have you tried so far?
Stuart: Uh, I've been stocking more female-oriented titles. In the bathroom, I folded the end of the toilet paper into a triangle. And, uh, you are now sitting in the official breastfeeding area.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Stuart: Would you mind stocking these?
Denise: Actually, I'm not on the clock today. I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend.
Stuart: Ah, cool. Huh. That's me, right?
Denise: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I broke up with you, and now I'm dating that guy.
Stuart: I know you're joking, but my flight-or-flight response doesn't.
Denise: Isn't it fight-or-flight?
Stuart: Not for me.

Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Raj: My name is Little Orphan Annie. You killed my father. Prepare to die.
Howard: My name is Darth Vader. I am your father. Prepare to die.

Howard: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.

Bernadette: Stuart took that rejection like a pro.
Penny: Well, he knew he was on the breast cam.
Amy: I don't have much practice turning men down. It wasn't so much fun.
Bernadette: Oh, you get used to it. Some guys you have to turn down over and over.
Penny: And sometimes we marry them anyway.