Stuart: What's up?
Bernadette: Can you show us that dating app?
Sutart: Oh, yeah, sure. This thing has changed my life.
Penny: Wow. So how many girls have you met?
Stuart: Two. I probably don't need to mention there's an entire number between that and zero.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Leonard: What are we going to do?
Sheldon: Perform the experiment immediately.
Leonard: I'd love to, but we need liquid helium and our shipment's on back order for a month.
Sheldon: A month? What? Are you kidding me? That would have been a good time for you to soften the blow.
Leonard: That shirt brings out the blue in your eyes.
Sheldon: Thank you. Aren't you sweet?

Sheldon: He has glasses and I'm a know-it-all. We are not built for prison.

Sheldon: Uh, but this is violating university code.
Leonard: A little, but if I may quote Einstein, "The pursuit of science calls us to ignore the rules set by man"
Sheldon: Huh. All right, do it. Tell him we're in.
Leonard: Done.
Sheldon: I can't find that quote on the Internet. Did you make that up?
Leonard: Before I answer, may I just say your skin has never looked better.
Sheldon: Aren't you just made of sugar.