Raj: It's interesting your father didn't help around the house and Howard doesn't help, either, so in a way, Howard's not only like your father, but he's also like the child that you're afraid to have.
Howard: Why are you still here?
Raj: Fine, I'll leave. But it sounds like somebody needs a fresh diaper.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Wil Wheaton: Hey, Sheldon. This is Adam Nimoy.
Adam Nimoy: Nice to meet you.
Sheldon: Oh, it's nice to meet you. I admire your father's work very much.
It's not every day I get to meet someone whose life's journey began in my hero's scrotum.

Howard: May I say something?
Bernadette: Is it about how I can't have new wallpaper 'cause your dad left when you were little and your mom died?
Howard: Never mind.

Sheldon: As a child, when faced with a dilemma, my mother encouraged me to ask, "€œWhat would Jesus do?" The answer to that was always, "Love thy neighbor." But my neighbor had a dead tooth, so that wasn't going to happen.
But that's why I changed it to, "€œWhat would Spock do?"
Adam Nimoy: Did you find that helpful?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, for example, three years ago when I discovered Penny was eating all my Pop-Tarts, instead of getting angry or vindictive, you know, I got a floor safe.
Penny: I knew I could smell 'em.