Raj: Seriously, guys, I don't want to know.
Amy: Oh, my.
Raj: Oh, come on, you can't say "Oh, my!" and then not tell me!
Amy: These things go for $500 and up.
Bernadette: Damn! All I got for Valentine's Day was a postcard saying my Vermont Teddy Bear was back-ordered.

Howard: I'm sorry I didn't take you to the airport. I just want you to know I'll never forgive myself for being so selfish. And I promise to keep you close for the rest of my life.
Bernadette: Oh, no, that thing's gonna end up in my bedroom.

Bernadette: (Shouting from the bathroom) How many times do I have to tell you to replace the toilet paper when it's empty?
Howard: I'm in the middle of something.
Bernadette: So am I!

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Leonard: Hang on. Maybe there should be a "no insult" clause about me, too.
Sheldon: Do you still like cilantro?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: You're tying my hands here.

Howard: See, he's not wearing a tie.
Leonard: Well, he's a patent attorney. Maybe his tie is pending.

Leonard: Hold on, hold on. So the three of us do all the work and only end up with 25%? Patent Attorney: Dr. Hofstadter, this university has been paying your salaries for over ten years. Did you think we do that out of the goodness of our hearts?
Leonard: Well, until you just said that mean thing, kinda.