Howard: Well, we're out. Bernie can't drink 'cause she's pregnant. And she's pregnant because we had sex. And we had sex because, well, (points to his body) come on.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Leonard: Hey, did you ever think about the military applications for the guidance system?
Sheldon: Of course.
Leonard: Does it bother you?
Sheldon: No, it did at first. But then I talked it through with Frank and Alicia, and they really helped put things into perspective.
Leonard: Who are these people?
Sheldon: Leonard, friends are like toilet paper. It's good to have extras under the sink.

Raj: Yeah, okay, just do me a favor and stop talking about how great Claire is.
Zack: Anything for you, my little foreign friend.

Raj: Hey, dude, you're killing me with Claire.
Zack: What are you talking about?
Raj: I mean, come on, look at you. You're classically handsome, you've got a swimmer's body. Next to you, I look like me.