Amy: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in. So what are we doing? Old Navy, Build-A-Bear? I get paid either way.
Amy: We're not going shopping together.
Stuart: You sure? I'm happy to hold your bag. And Sheldon gave me money for a hotdog on a stick.
Amy: Can you understand why I might be annoyed right now?
Stuart: Look, lady, I just work here.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Howard: Hang on, I know a place where you could you stay and earn some money at the same time.
Stuart: Great!
Howard: I just have to warn you: it will involve humiliation, degradation and verbal abuse.
Stuart: So, what's the catch?

Bernadette: Hey, Stuart.
Stuart: *startled* Hey.
Bernadette: Sorry, did I startle you?
Stuart: Yes, but at this point pretty much any customer does.

Penny: Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes. Pi.
Sheldon: Yes. Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: Khloe?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe.

Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I'll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: That's mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: You look like Tigger if Tigger looked like a jackass.
Howard: Uh, if you ever need a reference or anything, just let me know.

Raj: Boy, all this standing's making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick chair.
Howard: Not the stick chair. You look like an idiot on that thing.
Raj: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy.