Bernadette: Everyone's a better mom than me.
Raj: Oh, don't take it so personally, maybe your baby's just a jerk.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Raj: Okay, here we go. [to Leonard & Penny] Say cheese. [to Sheldon & Amy] Say cheese. [to Howard & Bernadette] Say cousin.

Amy: Well, uh, Howard and Bernadette had their baby.
Mary Cooper: (gasps) Oh, that's wonderful! Now, have they decided to raise it Jewish or regular?
Sheldon: Welcome to Texas.

Mary Cooper: Sheldon, if you're trying to prove me wrong, the tighty-whities on your head ain't changing my mind.

Sheldon: Oh, good Lord! Is that mistletoe? Don't you maniacs own a calendar?