Colonel Williams: Hello. I'm looking for Howard Wolowitz.
Raj: Howard Wolowitz?
Colonel Williams: I have the right address, don't I?
Raj: Address?
Colonel Williams: Is he here?
Raj: Um, no.
Colonel Williams: Do you know where I can find him?
Raj: May I ask what this is about?
Colonel Williams: No, you may not.
Raj: Very well. (tips his hat)
Colonel Williams: Have him call me.
Raj: Okay.
(Colonel Williams starts to walk away)
Howard: (off-screen) Raj, who's at the door?
Raj: (To Colonel Williams) That's not him.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Raj: Can we take a moment to discuss that I just lied to the government for you?
Howard: Yeah, I would not have done that for you.

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.