Raj: This is not how I imagined this day going. I should be with them right now.
Leonard: Well, it is their child.
Raj: I know that. But to be fair, I've spent nine months helping Bernadette get ready for this baby. And Howard spent five minutes conceiving it. And I'm being generous.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Penny: What do you mean new roommate? What happened to Leonard?
Sheldon: The same thing that happened to Homo Erectus. He was replaced by a superior species.
Raj: I'm the new homo in town.

Amy: What is this?
Sheldon: A functional MRI of my brain. I did Sudoku before they took it so I'd be ripped.
Amy: I love it. Thank you.
Sheldon: And it's not just an MRI. The orbitofrontal cortex is lit up because I was thinking of you.

Penny: Howard and Bernadette's kid might be born on your birthday. How cool is that?
Amy: Yeah, but I thought this baby was supposed to ruin their sex life, not mine.

Raj: Don't come to the hospital. We're headed home.
Penny: Oh, that was fast. Did she sneeze the baby out?