Raj: Can I just stay in the garage?
Bernadette: Don't do that. We'll make up the couch for you and figure out something in the morning.
Raj: Thank you.
Stuart: Come on, I'll get you some sheets. Then I'll see if I can beat my high score on the blood pressure machine.

Stuart: Oh, Sheldon, I'm afraid you couldn't be more wrong.
Sheldon: More wrong? Wrong is an absolute state and not subject to gradation.
Stuart: Of course it is. It's a little wrong to say a tomato is a vegetable, it's very wrong to say it's a suspension bridge.

Stuart: Would you mind stocking these?
Denise: Actually, I'm not on the clock today. I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend.
Stuart: Ah, cool. Huh. That's me, right?
Denise: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I broke up with you, and now I'm dating that guy.
Stuart: I know you're joking, but my flight-or-flight response doesn't.
Denise: Isn't it fight-or-flight?
Stuart: Not for me.

Stuart: Whoa, whoa. You're not gonna cut open a meteor, are you? Have you not learned anything from comic books? Space viruses? Pod people? I sell nothing but warnings.

Raj: I'm sorry, guys. Sheldon was upset, Leonard and Penny were fighting. I just wanted to go someplace where I wasn't causing problems.
Howard: (sighs) I'll say it again. India.

Sheldon: What if she's correct? Doesn't that say something troubling about us?
Amy: I don't know. I just think you're the kind of person who likes a contingency plan.
Sheldon: That is true. Did you know I figured out in which order I would eat all my friends in the event of an apocalypse?
Amy: You need to stop hanging out with your brain so much. It's not a good influence.

Penny: Well, it's like that science thing. For every action, you have a gigantic and annoying reaction.
Leonard: Just when I thought you couldn't get any hotter.