Raj: Bert has a room for rent.
Bernadette: So you're gonna be roommates with Bert?
Raj: Uh, no, it's, uh, pretty private, actually, it's over his garage. So the only time I'll see him is when he pulls his car in, does his laundry or practices drums in my dining room.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Sheldon: And just remember, I am proud of you and I support you in all that you do.
Amy: Thank you. That means a lot.
Sheldon: Oh, and one last thing. If you find yourself working with a male scientist who's as smart as me, as tall as me and has hair like Thor, well, then I want you to step away from the situation and call me immediately.

Raj: I really can't thank you enough for taking me in. You know, I was in a pretty low place in my life, and-
Sheldon: (from across the hall) Oh, Amy, you naughty vixen.
Raj: Anyway, uh, as I was saying, I was at a pretty low place in my life and, uh, if it wasn't for friends like you-
Amy: (from across the hall) My goodness, that form of stimulation is highly efficient.
Raj: I can't compete with that.

Howard: Well, why would you do that?
Colonel Williams: You guys completed phase one, we'll take it from here.
Sheldon: Where did you move it?
Colonel Williams: I can't tell you that.
Leonard: Are you implementing phase two?
Colonel Williams: I can't tell you that.
Sheldon: Wait, so you're just going to take all the work we've done for the last year and toss us aside?
Colonel Williams: That one I can tell you, yes.
Howard: This is all very upsetting.
Colonel Williams: I'm sorry to hear that. As you know, the primary focus of the United States military is people's feelings.
Sheldon: If that's sarcasm, please save it for our enemies.