Bernadette: How do I put this? She's been known to call you a name that usually applies to a lady part. Or a cat, or a willow.
Leonard: I can't believe she would say that about me.
Bernadette: If you're gonna cry about it there's tissues in my purse. Unless you got some in yours, big willow.

Bernadette: I had a plan. I kept leaving Dove bar wrappers around to explain any weight gain.
Amy: Where did you get empty Dove bar wrappers?
Bernadette: From all the Dove bars I ate! I'm pregnant! Try to keep up!

Stuart: Oh, so she's good enough for Howard but not for me?
Howard: Yeah.
Bernadette: Yeah. Go have weird relationships with your own mother and cousin. This is his turf.

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

Amy: As my mom used to say, "When you're doing a puzzle, it's like you've got a thousand friends." She was full of fun lies like that.

Penny: [to Raj] Run to India.

Bernadette: (Shouting at another driver) Your kid might be a honor student but you're a moron!