Sheldon: I'm sorry, I thought this delay was so you could watch Wheel of Fortune with your mother.
Howard: I am. She's just bleaching her mustache. Check it out. Hey, Ma! Before and After! Four words, 17 letters, two N's, one V.
Mrs. Wolowitz: (offscreen) Fanny pack of wolves.
Leonard: That's incredible.
Howard: Yeah, she's kind of a Wheel savant.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: So you can never take it (the sweater) off?
Leonard: No.
Raj: Not even to sleep?
Leonard: No.
Howard: So you're just an idiot?
Leonard: It's called proving a point.
Howard: Is the point you're an idiot?

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a fork lift?

Penny: Give my friend his stuff back.
Tod Zarnecki: I don't know what you're talking about.
Penny: Well then good news. Today's the day a girl's finally going to touch you in your little special place. *Kicks him in the groin*

Raj: Come on, dude, bros before ... my sister.

Sheldon: I've never said these words before, but good job, Howard.