Stuart: Howard, Bernadette was there last night. Did she say anything when she got home?
Howard: Yeah, she said, "Why'd you tell those idiots where I was? Thanks a lot."

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Bernadette: Maybe we should get one of those machines to help her up the stairs.
Howard: You mean a forklift?

Sheldon: Sheldon Cooper does not cry.
Howard: That's true, you'd rust.

Bernadette: One of the great things about being pregnant is drinking cranberry juice out of a wineglass and watching people freak out.

Penny: Is it possible that you're stressed because you're scared about getting married? I mean, it is a big change, and you're not good with little changes.
Sheldon: Well, that's nonsense. You name one little change I was upset with.
Penny: Uh, when they changed the green Skittle from lime to apple.
Sheldon: That is not the rainbow I grew up tasting.

Howard: It's a date. Just pick one.
Sheldon: It's not just a date, it's a textbook optimization problem. There is a perfect date. Just like there's a perfect room temperature and a perfect dessert.
Penny: Mm. There's no perfect dessert.
Sheldon: Yellow cake in the shape of a dinosaur with chocolate frosting, a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side, not touching. You'll see. You'll have it at our wedding.
Amy: You wanna bet?