Bernadette: I know I sound paranoid, but I'm feeling really vulnerable. If there's anything you could find out, it'd be great.
Raj: And if she is up to anything, what are you gonna do?
Bernadette: Nothing. I'll just calmly talk to her and explain there are certain boundaries that need to be respected. It's really for the benefit of everyone at the company.
Raj: Uh, okay, what you're saying sounds nice, but the way you're saying it is causing my testicles to take cover in my abdomen.

Raj: Amy, good luck getting these guys excited about a dinner with a theme. I gave up when no one cared about my Tom Hanks-Giving.

Raj: Oh man, first monster I see I'm gonna sneak up behind him, whip out my wand and shoot my magic all over his ass!
Stuart: Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

Raj: Doesn't anyone have a rod of resurrection? Because if you've got one, I need it bad. Get in here with your rod and give it to me.
Stuart: Okay, you need to say these things in your head before you say them out loud.

Howard: Why would the military want Sheldon?
Leonard: I don't know. Target practice?

Barry Kripke: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't tell me we were doing this just to stick it to Sheldon.
Leonard: Well-
Barry Kripke: I messing with you. This sundae just got a cherry on top!

Sheldon: And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss, so he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out.