Barry Kripke: Whoa, whoa, whoa. You didn't tell me we were doing this just to stick it to Sheldon.
Leonard: Well-
Barry Kripke: I messing with you. This sundae just got a cherry on top!

Barry Kripke: Yes, yes, yes. He's a jolly good fellow. What time do the strippers arrive?

Barry Kripke: We're all pathetic and creepy, and can't get girls. That's why we fight robots.

Sheldon: No, that's okay. I can fight my own battles. Isn't that right, Bawwy?
Barry Kripke: Is that a reference to my speech impediment? That's pretty hurtful. I can't control it.
Sheldon: You're right. That was uncalled for. I take it back.
Barry Kripke: Of course you do, because you're The Retractor!

Howard: Why would the military want Sheldon?
Leonard: I don't know. Target practice?

Sheldon: And worse than that, Edison filmed the first on-screen kiss, so he's basically a pornographer. Although every time I put that in Wikipedia, someone takes it out.

Penny: I thought they fired you guys.
Sheldon: They did, but then they hired me back.
Leonard: Well, you better not be working on our project, because we're a team.
Sheldon: Leonard, there is no "I" in team. However, there is an "I" in "I'm working with the military and you're not." There's five of them, in fact.