Howard: Just FYI, don't try to go back with a fake moustache. I mean, they may not really be geniuses, but they see right through that.

Howard: You know, I'm really glad you decided to learn Mandarin.
Sheldon: Why?
Howard: Once you're fluent, you'll have a billion more people to annoy instead of me.

Howard: I invented a game. Want to play?
Leonard: Sure.
Howard: It's called Emily or Cinnamon. I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say, and you guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

Bernadette: Does your mother call you every day at work to see if you had a healthy lunch?
Howard: My mother calls me every day at work to see if I had a healthy bowel movement.

Leonard: What would you be if you were attached to another object by an inclined plane, wrapped helically around an axis?
Sheldon: Screwed?
Leonard: There you go.

Amy's Mom: It's nice to meet you too Sheldon, I honestly didn't believe Amy when she told me she had a boyfriend.
Sheldon: I assure you, I am quite real and I'm having regular intercourse with your daughter.
Amy's Mom: What?
Sheldon: Oh yes, We're like wild animals in heat. It's a wonder neither of us has been hurt!
Amy's Mom: Amy? What is he saying?
Amy: You wanted me to have a boyfriend, mother, well here he is! Have to sign off now. My hunger for Sheldon is stirring in my loins.
Sheldon: Oh yes. It's time for me to make love to your daughter's vagina.

Sheldon: We no longer live at 2311 Los Robles. We live at 311 Los Robles. [holds up number 2 fixture]
Leonard: You changed the address on the building? What about mail?
Sheldon: No worries. I explained our predicament to our letter carrier. He was sympathetic. His exact words were, "Got your back, Jack. Bitches be crazy."