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The Paintball Scattering Season 12, Episode 11 -  Aired January 3, 2019

The Paintball Scattering

Penny and Leonard organize a paintball game that results in mayhem when Sheldon is jealous of Amy. Also, Koothrappali catches Anu with her ex-boyfriend, and Stuart doesn’t want to move in with Denise.

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Guest Stars: Kevin Sussman as Stuart, Joshua Malina as President Siebert, Lauren Lapkus as Denise, Rati Gupta as Anu, Hira Ambrosino as Cynthia

Writers: Adam Faberman (Story), Steve Holland (Teleplay), Eric Kaplan (Teleplay), Anthony Del Broccolo (Teleplay), Maria Ferrari (Story), Tara Hernandez (Story)

Director: Mark Cendrowski

Available on iTunes

Episode Notes

  • The title refers to the paintball game and how the couples split up to focus on their respective arguments.
  • Amy mentions a review of their paper from Dr. Saltzberg at UCLA. This is a reference to David Saltzberg, Ph.D., who is the show's science consultant. He reviews science references in scripts and on props, including the characters' whiteboards, to make sure it's accurate.

Episode Quotes

President Siebert: Well, this is nice. Why have we waited so long to do this?
Sheldon: Because you never invited us.
President Siebert: Ha-ha-ha! Well, the important thing is you're here now, and we're so excited about your work. This paper's going to do big things for all of us, so if there's anything that you need You know, actually, I could use some barbecue sauce for my tots. Oh, wait. No. Ketchup.
President Siebert: Can we have some barbecue sauce and ketchup over here?
Sheldon: Both? So this is how the other half lives.

Sheldon: Now, wait, wait, are you trying to exclude me?
President Siebert: Look, Sheldon, you're a brilliant man, but your people skills are-
Sheldon: This is not barbecue sauce! This is steak sauce! What are you trying to pull?
President Siebert: Like that.
Sheldon: This is ridiculous. It is my work, too, and I am perfectly capable of keeping it together for an interview.
President Siebert: Okay. Say somebody asks if you feel your work is derivative of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski.
[Sheldon's face starts twitching violently]
Amy: Seriously, can we get this man some barbecue sauce!?

Stuart: Would you mind stocking these?
Denise: Actually, I'm not on the clock today. I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend.
Stuart: Ah, cool. Huh. That's me, right?
Denise: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I broke up with you, and now I'm dating that guy.
Stuart: I know you're joking, but my flight-or-flight response doesn't.
Denise: Isn't it fight-or-flight?
Stuart: Not for me.

Leonard: What is up with you two?
Stuart: Well, it's kind of hard to explain. Uh, you know when things are going great, but you worry that any minute you might screw everything up?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Yes. If you really like her, you can't let fear get in the way. You have to move forward.
Stuart: And at a certain point, the fear of losing her goes away?
Leonard: I will let you know.

Interviewer: I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready?
Amy: Sheldon, are you ready?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Interviewer: Great. So, Dr. Cooper, my first question is for you.
Sheldon: Oh, goody.
Interviewer: Would you say that your paper is an extension of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski?
Sheldon: ... I'll be in the car.

Recap

After Penny serves up champagne in the apartment, Leonard toasts Sheldon and Amy for the publication of their paper. When Leonard asks if they’ve had any feedback yet, Amy says there are some comments online, but they decided they don’t care what people think and chose not to read them. Still, Sheldon argues they gave the world a gift and it would be nice to read the thank-you notes. After Amy decides to read the comments, Sheldon has vacillates before Leonard decides to read one for them. Sheldon and Amy are excited when they hear their paper described as possibly being the discovery of the decade.

As Howard and Leonard join Sheldon and Raj at a cafeteria table, Leonard mentions that Penny is thinking of arranging a paintball game. Howard says he and Bernadette are up for that. President Siebert comes to see Sheldon and asks why he’s eating in the regular cafeteria now that he’s a superstar. Siebert invites Sheldon to join Amy in the private dining room.

After President Siebert shows Sheldon to Amy’s table, he tells them this paper’s going to do big things for all of them. Siebert explains they’re planning a big media campaign to promote their paper and he wants Amy to do interviews. Sheldon is offended by the suggestion he couldn’t handle interviews, but Siebert questions how he would handle it if somebody asked him if his work was derivative. Sheldon’s face starts twitching wildly.

At the comic book store, Stuart asks Denise to stock some comic books, but she explains she’s not on the clock today and is just hanging out with her boyfriend. Over in the corner, Raj is talking to Anu, who told her mom to back off and let Raj handle the wedding planning. When Raj’s phone beeps with a notification from his doorbell camera, Anu says she got one for her place but never installed it. Raj says it’s easy and offers to do it for her. Leonard and Penny go over to the counter to invite Stuart and Denise to the paintball game on Saturday. Denise says she was meant to help her roommate move out on Saturday, but she’d rather play paintball. Stuart didn’t know that Denise’s roommate was moving out. After Denise  explains she’s looking for a replacement but so far hasn’t found one, Penny prompts Stuart to put himself forward. Stuart mumbles and and can not bring himself to ask. When Denise asks him directly, Stuart’s “flight” response kicks in and he rushes out of the store.

In their apartment, Amy asks for Sheldon’s honest opinion on her outfit as she has interviews today, but he doesn’t have any helpful advice to offer on her clothing. After Amy admits she’s nervous and wishes he was coming with her, Sheldon says he wrote up some possible questions and answers for her. After reading a card which was all about Sheldon, Amy leaves them behind as she heads off to the interviews.

When Stuart and Raj join Howard and Bernadette for dinner, Bernie is surprised to hear Denise asked Stuart to move in with her. When Raj’s phone beeps, he explains it’s Anu’s doorbell camera. Bernadette says that’s spying and he shouldn’t look. When Raj wonders who the guy on Anu’s porch is, Bernadette and the guys come over to watch. Raj is alarmed as the guy hugs Anu and she invites him into her house.

In the university’s private dining room, Amy asks Sheldon if he feels bad they get to eat in there and their friends don’t. President Siebert comes to compliment Amy on her interviews, saying they went great. Sheldon is happy to hear that, until Siebert mentions the headline “The Neurobiologist who Revolutionized Physics”.

As they get ready for their paintball match, Penny asks Amy how her interview went. After Amy answers it went okay, Penny senses Amy doesn't sound very happy. Sheldon wonders why she wouldn’t be happy as the “neurobiologist who revolutionized physics”. Later, Leonard says they need two teams, so Denise and Penny volunteer as captains. Denise picks Leonard, Sheldon and Amy. Penny takes Bernadette, Raj and Anu. With only Howard and Stuart left to be picked, Denise chooses Howard. As Stuart crosses his fingers that somebody will select him, Penny finally puts him out of his misery.

Inside her team’s hut, Denise tells her squad they need some people to stay there and guard the flag, while others move out to capture the other side’s flag. Sheldon takes umbrage with Leonard’s suggestion he should stay there and guard the fort, believing Leonard is saying that’s all Sheldon is good for. When Amy tells Sheldon that’s not what Leonard meant, Sheldon argues she should go out there and be the neurobiologist who revolutionized paintball. The rest of the team decide to leave Sheldon and Amy arguing in the hut and venture out, at risk of being shot.

As Raj and Anu duck behind a wall, Anu says it’s fun sneaking around. After Raj says it’s good to know she likes sneaking around, Anu asks him what that’s supposed to mean. Raj responds “Nothing” and checks whether the coast is clear. When Anu asks if he saw anyone, Raj blurts out that he saw a strange man going into her house the other night.

When Denise spots Stuart and shoots him, he says he’s hit and puts his hands up in the air. Denise keeps shooting, prompting Stuart to ask why she wants to keep hitting him. Denise responds by asking why he doesn’t want to move in with her. After Stuart points out he never said he didn’t want to move in her with, Denise concedes that he just ran away. When Stuart goes silent, she’s realizes he has run away again.

When Leonard finds Penny in the opposing team’s hut, he says “Bang, you’re out” but doesn’t shoot her, saying it’s too close and would hurt. Penny has no such qualms and fires at Leonard, proving he was right that it would hurt in such close proximity. Back in their hut, Amy tells Sheldon she can’t believe he’s taking this out on her as she was just trying to get publicity for their paper. Sheldon claims she was trying to make it seem like it was her idea, but Amy points out she didn’t write the headline. Bernadette arrives and takes the flag while they’re not looking. After Amy asks why Sheldon can’t be proud of her, he insists he is proud of her even as he’s jealous. Sheldon has seen Inside Out and knows he can feel two things at once. Despite already capturing their flag, Bernadette comes back to fire at Sheldon and Amy.

When Leonard and Penny find Stuart splattered with blue paint, Penny asks who shot him and Stuart admits almost all the shots came from from Denise. After Leonard wonders what’s up with them, Stuart says it’s hard to explain, but it’s like things are going great and he’s scared he’s going to mess it up at any moment.

When Anu confronts Raj about spying on her, he says that’s not the point and demands to know who the man was. Anu says it was an ex-boyfriend who showed up to collect his belongings. Raj is upset she’s still talking to her ex-boyfriend, but Anu doesn’t see any reason to apologize for that. Anu tells Raj he needs to delete the app from his phone and trust her. When Raj questions how he can trust her when he barely even knows her, they both wonder what they are doing getting married.

As Bernadette makes a run for it with the blue team’s flag, Howard jumps out of the red team’s hut and shoots her. Bernadette can’t believe he shot her and neither can Howard, who admits he didn’t realize it was her he was shooting. Bernadette says it hurts being shot right in the chest and it’s gonna leave a bruise. After Bernadette asks Howard if he wants to kiss it and make it better, they both retire to the hut.

When Anu tells Raj she’s going home, he offers to drive her back but she says that’s okay. Amy and Sheldon offer to take her instead. Elsewhere, Denise runs into the red hut to get the flag and stumbles on Howard and Bernadette. After insisting she didn’t see anything, Denise thanks them for throwing the flag out for her.

When Stuart arrives at the comic book store, he’s covered in huge bruises. He apologizes to Denise for freaking out, explaining things are going so good for them and he’s worried about screwing it up if they go too fast. Denise understands and admits she’s worried about messing things up, too.

When Sheldon and Amy sit down for an interview, the interviewer asks Sheldon if he considers his paper an extension of the work of Polchinski. After a long silence, Sheldon says he’ll be in the car.