Bert: Really? An arranged marriage?
Raj: Yeah. I know how it sounds.
Bert: It sounds awesome. Is that just an Indian thing, or can I get a piece of that?
Anu: You know the woman has a choice, right?
Bert: There's always a catch.

Leonard: You guys got a second?
Raj: Leonard, I told you, buddy. We don't need to use your laser.
Bert: Yeah, all we need is Terry Brad-saw. That's what I named my saw.

Raj: Really? You're jealous of us?
Leonard: Yeah. I even had this crazy dream last night where I ate you both.
Raj: Seriously?
Leonard: Uh. I know. I was pretty out of it.
Bert: Who'd you eat first?
Leonard: Oh. Uh, you.
Bert: [chuckles] Nice.

Bert: You really think walking her is gonna help me meet girls?
Raj: Cinnamon is chick bait.
Bert: Good. 'Cause I'm not.

Amy: Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny.
Penny: Hi.
Bert: Hey, come on in. I'll go turn on some rock music.
Amy: (chuckles) That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist.
Bert: And a joker.

Amy: I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.
Bert: Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.