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Quote from the episode The Separation Agitation

Leonard: If you're that upset, go get her back.
Bert: I tried. She's not answering my calls. Which really hurts because I bought her that phone.

Quote from the episode The Imitation Perturbation

Bert: All right, I'll tell you. I'm Maurice "Doc" Ewing, winner of the 1960 Vetlesen Prize, generally regarded as the Nobel Prize of geology.
Bernadette: Oh, yeah. Now I see it.
Bert: Ask me how I died. Spoiler alert: brain hemorrhage.

Quote from the episode The Imitation Perturbation

Bert: Really? An arranged marriage?
Raj: Yeah. I know how it sounds.
Bert: It sounds awesome. Is that just an Indian thing, or can I get a piece of that?
Anu: You know the woman has a choice, right?
Bert: There's always a catch.

Quote from the episode The Allowance Evaporation

Bert: Well, I really envy your relationship. Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple.

Quote from the episode The Solo Oscillation

Bert: Alone in my temple in the middle of Peru, A giant stone ball with nothing much to do, But if you steal my idol, I will roll right over you, 'Cause I'm six tons of granite and micaceous schist, Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and,
Both: Micaceous schist, Yeah, I'm six tons of granite and, micaceous schist, Yeah, I'm six tons of granite And, uh, micaceous schist Yeah, I'm six-

Quote from the episode The Dependence Transcendence

Amy: I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.
Bert: Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.

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