Raj: Excuse me, I’m meeting a girl here. It’s kind of our first date.
Bert: In a library?
Raj: She and I are both a little awkward in social situations, so this seemed like a good idea.
Bert: People say I’m a little awkward, too.

Amy: I'm sure it's just 'cause I'm dating Sheldon.
Bert: Mm, actually, I think Sheldon's popular because he's dating you.

Amy: Hi, Bert. This is my friend, Penny.
Penny: Hi.
Bert: Hey, come on in. I'll go turn on some rock music.
Amy: (chuckles) That's a geology joke. Bert's a geologist.
Bert: And a joker.

Bert: She was also interested in walking around my house in her underwear. Now the only one that does that is me.

Bert: I met her on G-Harmony. That's a Web site for geologists to find love.
Amy: That's a real thing?
Bert: Yeah. Their slogan is "We're all about dating and not the carbon-14 kind".

Bert: Well, I really envy your relationship. Other than you two only having sex once a year, you're the perfect couple.