Sheldon: Uh-oh. According to this Mexican Customs Web site, visitors may not bring more than five laser discs, 20 compact discs or 12 VHS tapes.
Raj: We don't have any of those.
Sheldon: How can you be sure? VHS was king when Feynman drove this van. For all we know, there are hidden compartments lousy with Jane Fonda workout videos.
Leonard: If there was a hidden compartment, don't you think you'd be stuffed in it by now?

Leonard: So, are you going to give us a clue where we're headed?
Raj: Okay. Let's see. They've got spicy food and there's a chance you'll get diarrhoea.
Leonard: India.
Raj: We can drive there.
Leonard: Your house?

Leonard: Well, how about we stop being so scared of losing each other, and just be together?
Penny: That sounds nice.
Leonard: Good. I've loved you from the moment we met and I will keep loving you until the end of time.
Penny: Oh my God, that is the most beautiful thing anyone's ever said to me.
Leonard: Yeah? That's because you're beautiful, and your beauty fills my heart with love and song.
Penny: Getting kind of cheesy, Leonard.
Leonard: You think that's cheesy? Buckle up.
(Leonard gets down on one knee)
Leonard: Penny Hofstadter, will you please stay married to me?
Penny: Oh dammit, you topped it.

Leonard: You'd think I'd be used to women withholding their love. My mother did. No matter how hard I tried, she just didn't have any interest in me.
Mandy: Imagine that.

Leonard: I wonder if that's why I have such a dysfunctional relationship with Sheldon. I had a dream the other night that I was in a cave, and I was nursing a baby. But the baby had Sheldon's head on it.
Mandy: And your wife is worried about me?

Mandy: Maybe you should talk to a therapist about this.
Leonard: Too expensive.

Leonard: Well, I got married recently.
Mandy: Oh, congratulations. To Sheldon?
Leonard: Ah, ha, never gets old.

Sheldon: Forgive me for eavesdropping, but as I see it there's a simple solution.
Leonard: Wake up! Wake up! Wake up!

Penny: Look, I'm sorry I said I was okay with everything before we got married. I hate that we're going through this, but I don't know what to do.
Leonard: If you don't mind waiting for a Groupon, we can try marriage counselling.

Leonard: Hi, I'm calling about your marriage counselling services and I was curious what your rate is.
Really?
Uhm, okay, is there any kind of discount for length of marriage? We're talking hours here.

Sheldon: Would you like to hear another reason why men are better than women?
Leonard: Sure. Let's make it an even hundred.

Leonard: Look, I may not have been entirely faithful, but you, you are not easy to lift.

Leonard: Listen. If you're imagining that it was sexy, it wasn't. We were both drunk and she smelled like an ashtray. The boat was moving a lot, so I chipped her tooth.
Penny: Did you feel guilty?
Leonard: Well, she had dental insurance.

Leonard: Okay, look. Instead of fighting, why don't we dim the lights, get naked and make a baby?

Was trying to lighten the mood. It's not easy. You try it.

Leonard: Hang on. I believe I'm supposed to carry you across the threshold.
Penny: Can you?
Leonard: Who do you think carries Sheldon to bed when he falls asleep in front of the TV?