Leonard Hofstadter Quotes Page 1 of 82

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Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Leonard: [answering the phone] Hello. Hey. It's Howard. Oh, us, too.
Penny: Wait, what?
Leonard: They're gonna stay. The kids are fine. Bernie's parents took over. Really? Oh, poor little guy.
Penny: Is Michael okay?
Leonard: Yeah, it's Stuart. Bernie's dad gave him a hug, cracked a rib.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Penny: Leonard, I can't go home. I have to be there for Amy.
Leonard: Yeah. I was thinking that, too. As angry as I am at Sheldon, I still want to see him win that medal.
Penny: It's so strange. No matter how thoughtless and selfish he is, I still love him.
Leonard: If you think about it, he has kind of been our practice kid.
Penny: Like when you make pancakes and the first one comes out a little wonky?
Leonard: The university prefers "quirky."

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Leonard: You are a selfish jerk. To hell with you and your Nobel Prize.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Sheldon: Well done. You know, you're proving to be an invaluable part of my entourage.
Leonard: Cool.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Leonard: Excuse me, but if I recall, you're the one who went out drinking with Sheldon, then came home and attacked me.
Penny: Attacked you? I said, "Do you wanna?"
Leonard: Yeah. I was helpless.
Penny: Uh-huh.
Leonard: So do you wanna?
Penny: Well, I can't get more pregnant.
Leonard: Mm-hmm. We'll see about that.

Quote from the episode The Stockholm Syndrome

Sheldon: Carbon. Hydrogen. Carbon. Carbon. And last but not least, carbon.
Leonard: This might be the glue talking, but that was a very pleasurable 139 and a half hours.
Sheldon: Agreed.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Leonard: I'm done enabling him. Like, this is his spot and-and the thermostat has to be set to his comfort level, even though he doesn't even live here anymore and I'm always chilly.
Raj: Is that why you wear a hoodie all the time?
Leonard: Why would-- Yes! To accommodate Sheldon! And what-what about this-this thing? Why is it here? I'll tell you why. Because it was here when I moved in, and, for no earthly reason, he forbade me to touch it.
Amy: Well, if you don't like it, get rid of it. Put it in the closet.
Leonard: You know what, I will. [Leonard tries to move the helix structure. Lots of little beads fall off and come crashing to the floor]
Raj: I bet that's the reason.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Leonard: Okay, you need to focus on the positive. You won a Nobel Prize. I slapped Sheldon. A lot of dreams came true today.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Raj: Hey, is Penny here?
Leonard: No. Why?
Raj: I wanted to show her my latest creation. I give you Dr. Amy Farrah Fowler.
Leonard: Wow. Amy, you look amazing.
Amy: Thank you. Sheldon, what do you think?
Sheldon: I like you better the way you were.
Raj: But she looks beautiful! Classic lines, colors that complement her skin tone, and hair that goes from "office" to "on the town" in minutes.
Sheldon: I don't care. Put it back.
Amy: I like the way I look.
Sheldon: Well, I don't! [Sheldon storms out]
Leonard: My fault. I was out of Earl Grey.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Raj: Was it your left hand or your right hand?
Leonard: Right. Spit actually flew out of his mouth.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Penny: Oh, wait. Hang on. When you're old, you are gonna want a record of this.
Leonard: Oh, oh, yeah. Do it in slo-mo. I want to see his cheeks ripple.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Penny: Fine. Don't miss.
Leonard: It's not a volleyball. I can handle it.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Penny: Well should we wake him up?
Leonard: Well, he did say if he fell asleep, we were allowed to slap him awake.
Penny: Oh, boy.
Leonard: Wait a minute. Why do you get to do it?
Penny: 'Cause I called it.
Leonard: Well, you can't just call it. You have to earn it.
Penny: Oh, and you've earned it?
Leonard: No one has earned it more than me. [Amy clears her throat] You have your whole life to smack him around. This is my time.

Quote from the episode The Change Constant

Amy: Yeah, we're gonna need more coffee.
Penny: Yep, I'm with you. Leonard, coffee?
Leonard: Black and strong, like Luke Cage.
Penny: I'm too tired to even be disturbed by that.

Quote from the episode The Maternal Conclusion

Sheldon: Well, if you want to see something really interesting, I could show you my work, which is being talked about for a Nobel Prize.
Beverly Hofstadter: Oh, well, I'd love to see it later, but right now, I'm spending time with my son.
Leonard: Ha! I knew there was a "but"- Wait, what?

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