Beverly Hofstadter: Let me save you all of your hemming and hawing. Sheldon already told me that you and Penny are engaged.
Leonard: I hate that you talk to him more than you talk to me.
Beverly Hofstadter: Would you like for me and you to talk more?
Leonard: You know, it's probably fine.

Sheldon: [President Siebert said] that everybody has to do things they don't want to do. He then gave an example of something he had to do although he didn't want to. And that was look at my stupid face.
Leonard: That's a rude thing to say ... out loud.

Leonard: This would have been so much more romantic if you didn't have gorilla hair on your fingers.

Leonard: No, it's too late. I'm your bran muffin. Probably fat free and good for your colon.

Leonard: What about when you did Anne Frank at that cute little theater?
Penny: It was above a bowling alley.
Leonard: Yeah, but there was ample parking.

Leonard: And you were so good in the commercial.
Penny: It was for haemorrhoid cream.
Leonard: And I got itchy and swolen just watching you.

Leonard: I don't know. The bisexual, gorilla, go-go dancer in Schindler's list is tough to beat.

Sheldon: *Laughs* Very good. Because a gorilla go-go dancer of any sexual preference would be out of place in a film about the Holocaust.
Leonard: It only gets funnier when you explain it, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I know.

Penny: You're a big cry baby. You start, I'll join in.
Leonard: I am not a cry baby.
Penny: Toy Story 3.
Leonard: The toys were holding hands in a furnace!

Sheldon: Arthur Jeffries was a scientist. I'm sure he didn't care about stupid superstitions like funerals. If he were here, I think he'd say "Enjoy Star Wars day".
Leonard: He was eighty-four. He'd say "Where's my pudding?"

Leonard: The funeral's on Sunday.
Sheldon: But that's Star Wars day.
Leonard: Yeah. Off all the things about this that are sad, that might not be number one.

Sheldon: I'm fine.
Leonard: Okay ... and yet he cried when they changed the Raisin Bran box.

Leonard: Well, Penny can be very persuasive. She's gotten me to do a lot of things I wouldn't normally do.
Amy: Because she has sex with you.
Leonard: Yeah, she does.

Leonard: It took him a long time to get comfortable around me, too.
Amy: Really? What did you do?
Leonard: Something terrible in a former life? I don't know.

Leonard: You know what, why don't we just ease into this? Let's go for a walk and see if we find a new restaurant.
Sheldon: Any chance this restaurant is near Griffith Park? *Brings out a Lord of the Rings - Gandalf hat*
Leonard: No.