Mary Cooper: It's called the Born Again Boat Ride. Christian Quarterly gave it their highest rating: five thorny crowns.

Mary Cooper: This is exciting. Back home, the diner on Route 4 serves sushi. But it's just cut up fish sticks and a side of Uncle Ben's. They put it on the menu in those Kung Fu letters but that don't make it sushi.

Leonard: Kung Fu letters might not be politically correct.
Mary Cooper: Oh, I thought the one we couldn't say was Ching-Chong.
Leonard: Yeah, that too.

Mary Cooper: How are you doing on the young lady front? I hear you're in some sort of a long distance situation.
Leonard: Oh, yeah. It's Raj's sister. It's kinda tough. She's in India and also her parents aren't happy she's dating someone white.
Mary Cooper: Oh, that's a funny turn, isn't it? You never think about it going the other way.

Mary Cooper: Now, don't you move. I'll bring over all the food.
Leonard: No, I can do it.
Mary Cooper: Well, isn't that sweet.

Mary Cooper: You should have called sooner.

Mary Cooper: Shelly, dinner's ready.
Sheldon: Coming.
Mary Cooper: No cats!
Sheldon: Aww.

Mary Cooper: Now, the reason I called Amy over was to find out what kind of person she is. Now, after chatting a bit, I have to say that while she is a perfectly ... unique ... young woman, you two are definitely not suited for each other.

Mary Cooper: Well, putting aside the pig Latin. It's a good a thing you two decided to end the relationship so I didn't have to end it for you.

Leonard: I saw what you did there.
Mary Cooper: He thinks he's such a smarty pants. He's no different from any man. You tell him not to do something, that's all they want to do. If I hadn't told my brother Stumpy not to clear out the woodchipper by hand, we'd still be calling him Edward.

Mary Cooper: Now, when you said on the phone he broke up with a girl, you meant an actual girl? Not something you kids whipped up in a lab?

Leonard: No, she's real.
Mary Cooper: Did they sin?

Leonard: But there is something I should prepare you for.
Mary Cooper: Oh, relax, Leonard. I have raised that boy. I have seen him at his best and I've seen him at his worst. There's nothing he can do that will surprise me.

Mary Cooper: Well, well. That's a powerful smell.

Sheldon: That's preposterous. I'm not pining for anybody.
Mary Cooper: Oh, lamb chop. We can quibble what to call it, but I think we can both agree it's creepy.