Raj: Look, I care about you a lot, but we are very different people.
Emily: Are you breaking up with me?
Raj: No, no, I'm just pointing out that you're dark on the inside and I'm dark on the outside.

Emily: You aren't scared, are you?
Raj: Of ghosts, no. Of you, little bit.

Emily: Makes you feel alive, doesn't it?
Raj: So does enjoying a meal at a well-lit restaurant, but here we are.

Emily: It's a beautiful night.
Raj: Oh, yes, we've got the moon and the trees and Elizabeth McNulty, who apparently died when she was the same age I am.

Raj: You guys ever notice that Emily has a bit of a twisted side?
Bernadette: You mean 'cause she has weird tattoos?
Raj: No, because she wants to have sex with me in a graveyard.

Emily: If I stick a light bulb on this, will it make a great lamp for my bedroom?
Raj: You're kidding, right?
Emily: Oh, is this freaking you out?
Raj: I guess I'm just more of a Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel kind of guy. Maybe Pier 1 if I really want to cut loose.

Raj: One day, I hold a great ball for the President of France, but the rabbits, they hate me and don't come. I'm embarrassed, so I eat all the lettuce in the world and make them watch.

Bernadette: Okay, I don't know when I became the mother to three lazy teenagers, but it stops today. You guys are cleaning the kitchen top to bottom.
Raj: Hey, I don't even live here.
Bernadette: Yes or no, do you have clothes in my laundry right now?
Raj: I do. And some of it's wool, so dry flat if possible.

Raj: I'm so lucky I take after you.
Dr. Koothrappali: You think you take after me?
Raj: Well, I try to. I certainly wouldn't be a scientist if you hadn't been my role model.
*to Sheldon, Howard and Bernadette after talking to his dad*
Who wants to go to Vegas in a real helicopter?!

Raj: Hello, Daddy.
Dr. Koothrappali: What did you say to your mother?
Raj: Nothing. I was just calling to check in, make sure she's doing okay.
Dr. Koothrappali: Well, after talking to you, she seems to think I'm some sort of playboy.
Raj: Really? I don't know where she'd get an idea like that.

Bernadette: Ready to call tech support?
Howard: Give me the number. Probably wind up talking to some foreign guy who's reading from the same manual I have.
*Raj's phone rings. Sheldon, Howard, and Bernadette stare at him in shock*
Raj: It's my father, you jerks.

Bernadette: I call tech support all the time.
Howard: You call tech support!
Sheldon: Ha-ha!
Raj: What a baby!

Bernadette: Why don't you just call tech support?
Sheldon: Hey!
Howard: Whoa!
Raj: Not cool!
Bernadette: What?
Howard: There's two kinds of people in this world. Those who call tech support and those who make fun of the people who call tech support.

Mrs. Koothrappali: Well, however much money your father was giving you, I'll give you more.
Raj: Thank you, Mummy! I love you! *to Sheldon and Howard* Helicopters for everybody!

Mrs. Koothrappali: Rajesh, is your father seeing someone?
Raj: All I know, Mummy, is that he's a single wealthy doctor, and now, for some reason, there's no money for your little boy.