Agent Page: Would you characterize him as responsible?
Sheldon: I'm going to answer this with a visual aid. This my nine-disc complete Lord of the Rings trilogy Blu-ray box-set. Mr Wolowitz borrowed it, damaged plastic retention hub number three, and then returned it to me hoping I wouldn't notice. Would you characterize that as responsible?
Agent Page: That's really not the kind of thing we're interested in.
Sheldon: You heard me say Blu-ray, right?

Sheldon: I'd like to offer a laudatory statement about Howard's many excellent qualities that I believe will tip the scales back in his favor. Howard Joewl Wolowitz. H is for honesty, of which he has much. O's for outstanding, which he is such. W's for witty, he's quick with a joke. A's for artistic, his ability-
Agent Page: I'm sorry, Dr. Cooper, this matter is already closed.
Sheldon: But I still have rd Joel Wolowitz to go.

Leonard: So, how'd it go with Ramona last night?
Sheldon: Oh, great. She's smart, insightful and she has a very unique way of, you know, revering me.

Leslie: So, Sheldon, I see you're organizing papers for the Smithsonian Museum of Dumbassery.
Ramona: There won't be any room until they get rid of the permanent Leslie Winkle exhibit.
Sheldon: Oh, good one.

Ramona: Dr. Cooper, I have to tell you, your friends are holding you back.
Sheldon: I prefer to think of it as I'm pulling them forward.

Leslie: So, dumbass, I heard you made a grad student throw up last night.
Sheldon: The truth can indeed be a finger down the throat of those unprepared to hear it. But why should I cater to second-rate minds?

Sheldon: What it is is a cacophonous assault of eucalyptus, bayberry, cinnamon and vanilla. It's as if my head were trapped in the pajamas of a sultan.

Sheldon: Last question. In a post-apocalyptic world, which task would you assign the highest priority? Locating a sustainable food source, re-establishing a functioning government, procreating, or preserving the knowledge of mankind.
Leonard: Uh, I'm gonna go with preserving the knowledge.
Sheldon: That's correct. FYI, I would have accepted any answer other than procreating.

Leonard: I did notify you.
Sheldon: Oh, you did, did you? Oh, drat. Hoisted by my own spam filter.

Sheldon: Wait, let me get my jacket.
Howard: You're not going with us.
Sheldon: Why not?
Raj: You're the guy we're trying to get away from.
Sheldon: Oh. Well, in that case, I don't need my jacket. And for the record, the correct syntax is I'm the guy from whom you're trying to get away.

Leonard: You know what, go to Hell and set their thermostat.
Sheldon: I don't have to go to Hell. At 73 degrees, I'm already there.

Sheldon: That's where I sit.
Leonard: What's the difference?
Sheldon: This seat is ideally located both in relation to the heat source in the winter and a cross breeze in the summer. It also faces the television at a direct angle allowing me to immerse myself in entertainment or game play without being subjected to conversation. As a result, I've placed it in a state of eternal dibs.

Sheldon: Cathedra mea, regulae meae. That's Latin for my chair, my rules.

Shopper: Excuse me, do you know anything about this stuff?
Sheldon: I know everything about this stuff.

Shopper: Which hard drive do I want? Firewire or USB?
Sheldon: It depends on what Bus you have.
Shopper: I drive a Chevy Cavalier.
Sheldon: Oh my God.