Mrs. Koothrappali: So, she has no problem with her son being eaten by a walrus?
Sheldon: That's very unlikely, Mrs. Koothrappali. If Raj dies, it'll be from frostbite, gangrene, acute sunburn or being ripped to shreds by a hundred pound polar bear.

Leonard: Wait a minute. He offered to send you to the North Pole?
Sheldon: Yes. In fact, he was quite enthusiastic. He said, "Frankly, if I could send you tonight, I would."

Sheldon: I'm not good with cold, Leonard. How often have we had to leave a movie theater because I got a headache from drinking the Icee too fast? I can't go.

Leonard: Sheldon, what are the words I can say right now to end this conversation and let me go back to sleep?
Sheldon: Odd, President Siebert posed the exact same question.
Leonard: How was it resolved?
Sheldon: It wasn't. His wife set the dogs on me, and rendered the question moot.

Amy: What about Supercuts?
Sheldon: I tried once. They do men and women's hair in the same room at the same time. It's like Sodom and Gomorrah with mousse.

Penny: You know, Sheldon, sometimes it's nice not knowing what's coming. I mean, look at me and Leonard. We went out, we broke up, now we're trying again. We don't know what's gonna happen.
Sheldon: Oh, please, everyone knows what's going to happen.

Sheldon: Oh, dear. Mr D'Onofrio's in the hospital. Why do these things always happen to me?

Leonard: Sheldon, it's okay. He can do it. He's a barber.
Sheldon: He's not a barber, he's the nephew. He's an example of the kind of nepotism that runs rampant in the barbering industry. Besides, Mr. D'Onofrio knows exactly how I like my hair done because he has all my haircut records from my barber in Texas.

Sheldon: When I first moved here, I was nervous about finding a new barber, so my mother had all my haircut records sent here to Mr. D'Onofrio.
Leonard: There's no such thing as haircut records.

Sheldon: To paraphrase T.S. Eliot, this is the way the word ends, not with a bang but with a nephew.

Sheldon: I feel like a teen heartthrob.

Sheldon: You just lied to Penny.
Leonard: Yes, I did.
Sheldon: And you did it so casually. No rapid breathing, no increase in perspiration.
Leonard: So?
Sheldon: So, lack of physiological response while lying is a characteristic of a violent sociopath.
Leonard: Sheldon, are you worried about your safety?
Sheldon: No. I imagine if you were going to kill me, you'd have done it a long time ago.

Sheldon: Now, to review, the following provisions are hereby activated. In the refrigerator, as opposed to us having two separate shelves and one communal shelf, the three of us now get individual shelves and the door becomes communal. Next, apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells. Third, the bathroom schedule. Now, I'm given to understand women have difference needs, so we'll have to discuss that.

Sheldon: Leonard, there's one more thing. Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting.
Leonard: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails.

Sheldon: I didn't care for her yelling, but now that I'm not going to hear it again, I'm sad.
Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon: It won't be as good.