Sheldon: May I say something?
Leonard: Not right now, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But I think it may be comforting.
Leonard: Buddy-
Howard: No, it's okay. What?
Sheldon: When I lost my own father, I didn't have any friends to help me through it. You do.

Leonard: So you guys were testing us both? What is the matter with you?
Penny: What's the matter with them is they both think they're so smart, they don't care if they hurt other people's feelings.
Amy: That's not true.
Sheldon: That sounds like us.

Penny: Just think about something else.
Sheldon: Can I think about the spiny anteater?
Penny: Sure.
Sheldon: The spiny anteater never went behind my back and worked with Barry Kripke.
That didn't help at all.

Penny: I can't believe you were testing me against a chimp.
Sheldon: Excuse me, Amy was testing you. I was rooting for you. Good job on that banana box, by the way.

Penny: Besides, aren't you the one who says there's nothing more important than the advancement of science?
Sheldon: No, I said there's nothing more important than me advancing science.

Sheldon: Let it go? I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me, someone says let it go. Like it's my fault and it's not okay to feel the way I feel.

Sheldon: I've invented a science joke. Would you like to hear it?
Amy: Sure.
Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Amy: How many?
Sheldon: Who cares? He stole the idea and doesn't deserve his own joke.

Amy: That's fascinating. I can't wait to read it.
Sheldon: Oh, me as well. Please email it to [email protected] Why .biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga.com was taken.

Sheldon: When I was doing string theory and hit a dead end, why didn't you try to help me?
Amy: I did. You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one jumps away, that leaves two frogs.
Sheldon: That's pretty funny. That does sound like me.

Sheldon: But that doesn't mean that you should be standing on street corners, handing out your math to whatever guy comes along.

Sheldon: You know Barry and I have a professional rivalry. You heard him, he told me to suck eggs. If we were friends, he would have suggested I suck something more pleasant.

Why are you laughing? Did you learn something?

Penny: So, Amy, I've been wondering, are you and Sheldon going to be sharing a room?
Amy: No, we discussed it. We decided we didn't want to jeopardize our relationship by getting to know each other too well.
Sheldon: Indeed. Nothing sours a friendship more than over-familiarity with someone's toilet routine.

Leonard: It's from Game of Thrones. What do you think?
Sheldon: I don't know. If we're going to start a fantasy sworld collection, and I've long thought we should, is this really the sword to start with?
Leonard: What did you have in mind?
Sheldon: Well, off the top of my head, I'd have to go with Excalibur. It gives you the right to rule England.
Leonard: It would be a replica of a movie prop.
Sheldon: Fair enough. It'd give you the right to rule a replica of England.

Leonard: See that? I just saved us forty bucks.
Sheldon: I've long said what you lack in academic knowledge, you make up for in street smarts.

Howard: Someone has to go up with the telescope as a payload specialist and guess who that someone is.
Sheldon: Mohammed Lee.
Howard: Who's Mohammed Lee?
Sheldon: Mohammed is the most common first name in the world. Lee, the most common surname. As I didn't know the answer, I thought it gave me the mathematical edge.