Stephanie: I don't see anything at all, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Well, you're the doctor, but I am constantly hearing this annoying sound.
Leonard: Me too.
Sheldon: Is it a high frequency whistle?
Leonard: No, it's more of a relentless, narcissistic drone.

Leonard: Don't you think if a woman was living with me I'd be the first one to know about it?
Penny: Oh, sweetie, you'd be the last one to know about it.

Sheldon: I trust Leonard satisfied you sexually last night.
Leonard: Oh good God! Sheldon we don't ask questions like that!
Sheldon: I heard you ask it over and over. How is it inappropriate for me to ask it once?
Stephanie: He did very nicely.
Sheldon: See? She's not offended. And now you finally have an answer.

Stephanie: Where did you get the stethoscope and the blood pressure cuff?
Sheldon: My aunt Marion gave them to me for my 12th birthday. She thought if I failed at theoretical physics that I should have a trade to fall back on.

Sheldon: I've never once been invited to have cereal with Mrs. Vartabedian.
Leonard: She doesn't like you.

Leonard: No, absolutely not.
Sheldon: It's not a big deal.We have latex gloves.
Leonard: I don't care what the symptoms are. My girlfriend is not going to give you a prostate exam.

Sheldon: What could I possibly have done to offend Mrs. Vartabedian?

Sheldon's computer: We are out of herbal tea. Do you have any?
Penny: Okay, let me check.
Sheldon's computer: Some hiney would be nice.
Penny: Hiney?
Sheldon's computer: Honey.

Leonard: Maybe, it's a lingering bacterial infection from all those childhood toilet swirlies.
Sheldon: Is that possible? I used to get those all the time. Even in church.
Stephanie: Well, you know, if it is from a swirly, there's something I can do, okay. Circle, circle, dot, dot, now you have a cootie shot.

Leonard: Where's my Bat Signal?
Penny: You have a Bat Signal?
Leonard: I did. It was right here. She must have- Oh, my God, we're living together.

Howard: New pants?
Leonard: Yeah, Stephanie got them for me.
Howard: Nice. Cotton?
Leonard: Actually, I think it's more of a wool-fire ant blend.

Sheldon: Now, to review, the following provisions are hereby activated. In the refrigerator, as opposed to us having two separate shelves and one communal shelf, the three of us now get individual shelves and the door becomes communal. Next, apartment vacuuming shall be increased from two to three times a week to accommodate the increased accumulation of dead skin cells. Third, the bathroom schedule. Now, I'm given to understand women have difference needs, so we'll have to discuss that.

Sheldon: Leonard, there's one more thing. Under Article One, Section Three of our Roommate Agreement, I'm calling an emergency meeting.
Leonard: No, you're not.
Sheldon: Leonard moves the meeting not occur. Is there a second? None heard, the motion fails.

Leonard: I gave it a lot of thought and I decided it was time for us to live together.
Howard: Leonard, huge mistake. There's a whole buffet of women out there and you're just standing in the corner eating the same devilled egg over and over again.

Stephanie: I just performed a Sheldonectomy.
Leonard: Careful, if you don't get it all, it'll only come back worse.